Journal of the Survivors

Entry #7

June 15th 2022

Entry #7

People of the future, feel free to skip over this part of the fat journal. This is just me satisfying my need for poetry. Do you know what? I think I’ll just take these pages out when I’m done writing. Then that sentence was pointless...and so is this. Focus Kyra, focus. You need to write it out like you use to.

            This is how I felt right after I lost Sebastian. I can’t put it into normal words, so I think maybe poetry should be able to help. I don’t want to forget who I was when I was with him, and I also don’t want to forget how I have changed since then. So, here it goes:

There Once Was a Girl

There once was a girl

Who felt beautiful,

Special,

Unique,

Alive.

But that girl

Is gone.

There once was a girl

Who felt loved,

Needed,

Wanted,

Safe.

But now

She is alone.

There once was a girl

Who had a boy

That stood by her

Through the rough

And the smooth.

But now she only has

Herself.

There once was a girl

That loved a boy,

And,

Surprisingly,

Though he

Could have anyone,

He loved her too.

There once was a girl

That had the most beautiful boy,

Whose eyes were like emeralds,

Whose hair was like gold,

Whose voice was like music

Whose body was that of a god’s

Whose happiness was contagious.

There once was a girl

Who felt

Like she could take on the world

As long as she had

The boy by her side.

And, for awhile,

He was there.

This girl

Is gone now.

She left

The minute

They boy left.

So who

Is she now?

There. That helped, maybe this will too. This is another poem about how I miss Bas.

Sometimes

Sometimes I hear

Your voice in the wind,

In the rustle of fallen leaves,

In the silence of my pain.

Sometimes I hear

You say my name,

Tell me what to do,

Whisper that you love me.

Sometimes I hear

You call out for help,

Quietly cry,

Laugh happily.

Sometimes I see

You beside me,

You in front of me,

You all around me.

Sometimes I see

You from the corner of my eye,

Or on the other side of the path,

Or hidden in the trees.

Sometimes I see

Your golden hair,

Your vivid eyes,

Your blinding smile.

Sometimes I smell

The scent that followed you,

Surrounded you,

Was a part of you.

Sometimes I smell

Your sweat after you played,

Your shampoo after you showered,

Your breath after we kissed.

Sometimes I smell

The lake we swam in,

The places we hid in,

The park we played in.

Sometimes I feel

Your arms around me,

Your hand holding mine,

Your fingers stroking me.

Sometimes I feel

Your mouth on mine,

Your breath on my neck,

Your tongue touching mine.

Sometimes I feel

You right behind me,

You laying beside me,

Your legs tangled with mine.

Sometimes I taste

The ice cream we shared,

The dinners we cooked,

The candy you adored.

Sometimes I taste

The strawberries,

The raspberries,

The apples we picked.

Sometimes I taste

Your kisses,

Your sweat,

Your love.

Am

I

Going

Crazy?

            I’m done.

            I thought about making a poem about Danny, a happier one, but I just can’t find the right words to describe him. Danno’s different from everyone I’ve ever known. Sometimes he reminds me of Bas, sometimes, when he talks, he uses this soft voice that reminds me of my father. Not in a creepy way though, I swear. He’s like everything I’ve ever loved combined into one person. Is there a word for that?