fifteen ; l.h.

him

he didn't want to say goodbye to her. he didn't want to let go of the splash of white that colored his black canvas of existence.

"it's only goodnight, lucas," she had laughed and poked his cheek as she called him by his full first name, which she'd somehow pried out of him during their evening together. "i'll see you again tomorrow. i promise."

and as luke laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling at 4 in the morning, he remembered how he'd sworn to himself that he'd never believe in promises. despite that, everything noelle had promised to him (which was a lot) seemed to be sincere and he couldn't find a way to get himself to disregard her words.

he'd learned a lot about the mysterious girl, too.

like how her middle name was leanne. and how she preferred jeans to skirts. how she would always eat the cone before the ice cream because 'there's no other way to eat it, really' and the way she got this little dimple on her cheek whenever she smiled or laughed.

but the thing that stood out in the mental list he'd made of anything and everything that pertained to noelle leanne devereaux was that she had managed to break down his walls in a matter of hours. minutes, even. luke was surprised to find that he didn't care about those walls anymore. not around her.

with the image of the, he was sure by then, most beautiful girl he'd ever come across, he let his eyes shutter closed.

~

he jolted awake at the feeling of his phone vibrating under his pillow. with a loud groan, he grabbed it and swiped open the text message he'd gotten.

from: noelle xx

i'm going to assume you're awake! hope you're prepared for reason one, lucas. see you soon. :-)

luke smirked at her chirpy message and his thumbs flew over the keyboard as he automatically replied.

to: noelle xx

god, you're way too happy in the morning. can i get a hint as to where we're going? and stop calling me lucas.

he got his cheeky reply within seconds.

from: noelle xx

no.

he chuckled and locked his phone before getting himself out of bed to get ready for the day. the several times he passed the mirror as he fixed himself up, he couldn't help but notice the distinct sparkle in his eyes that hadn't been present in a while.

a knock on the door startled him from his thoughts and he hurried to the front door, pulling it open with maybe a little too much force to reveal noelle on the other side, smirking up at him.

"are you ready? because i don't think you're ready for this," she teased.

"these reasons of yours better be good," luke rolled his eyes playfully and shut the door behind him, locking it before they walked down the hallway.

"have i ever let you down, mr. hemmings?"

"no, not yet. 'yet' being the key word, ms. devereaux."

"there won't be a yet. trust me." so he did.

the pair made light conversation as they walked through the city, noelle taking a few minutes every so often to make sure they were going the right way. luke found himself getting distracted by her arm brushing against his and he couldn't help but grab her hand in his own.

he was struck by how perfectly they seemed to fit together, like missing puzzle pieces that'd just been found. she seemed to think something similar because her face went a light shade of red, but her smile didn't falter; if anything, it got bigger and he instantly felt reassured.

"alright, close your eyes," she stopped randomly and he immediately went on the defensive.

"wait, what? how do i know you won't let me bump into something or some shit?"

"really, luke?" noelle raised an eyebrow. "just shut your damn eyes."

muttering something along the lines of 'feisty', he complied to her wishes and felt her hand pull him in a random direction. he made no other objections, instead memorizing the feel of her dainty hand in his and the small cold ring that adorned her pinky.

a few minutes later, she stopped abruptly and he bumped into her back, unable to see that she was in front of him.

"alright, open your eyes."

luke's eyelids fluttered open and he breathed out as he examined the scene in front of him. they were standing at the entrance of an old, abandoned park. the swings were rusted and the place looked completely desolated, but one glance at the shorter girl beside him told him that there was more to this place than met the eye.

"c'mon," she tugged at his arm and moved to the swingset, sitting on one of them. he took his place on the one beside hers and they swung back and forth softly, hands interlocked.

"what is this place?" he finally asked, voice barely louder than the creaks of the rusty swing.

"this is the park i used to go to as a kid," she explained, eyes filled with nostalgia. "everyday after school, i'd drag my mom here and she'd push me on this exact swing until i thought i was going to fall off."

the hazel eyed girl let a small laugh fall from her mouth, "there was this one time where i did actually fall off. it was the last time i was able to come here before we moved. i tumbled onto the tanbark and scraped my knees up really bad. my mom was a worried mess, fussing over my wounds and promising to buy me ice cream, but i wasn't even crying. i was smiling, even though it hurt."

"why?" luke's grip tightened as he stared at her in a mixture of confusion and awe.

"because it was my fault i fell. i told my mom that i knew i was going to fall soon, but i didn't want her to stop pushing me because i didn't want the moment to end. i loved this park. i didn't want to have to go a day without sitting on this swing."

"what'd she say when you told her that?"

"she said that it's good that i want to cherish every moment i had, but that i also had to remember to look forward to leaving, too. she told me that leaving meant that i could enjoy the memories i made," she ran a hand through her hair before continuing.

"memories are the best part of life. you can regret or you can feel proud. you can cry and laugh. but you can't change them, which is what makes them so special. they're a permanent reminder of how you came to be the way you are."

with that final sentence, the park went silent. the two had stopped swinging at that point, leaving only the sounds of birds and rustling leaves to fill the thick silence.

luke's mind was spinning. he stole multiple glances at her and found that she was smiling serenely at her memories, a completely different reaction than he'd had the night before. her perspective on memories was a total 360 from his.

he despised his memories. he assumed they held him down and made him soft. looking back at his life then, he felt nothing but anger and hatred, even towards the good memories.

"is that reason number one?" he spoke, voice cracking slightly.

"it is. your memories are alive through you. if there's no you, there's no memories," she hummed.

"what if i hate all my memories? what if all they bring me is pain?" he hated how utterly broken he sounded, but he couldn't stop himself.

"then try to see past that. you have to try and see the good things, luke," she lifted their hands and kissed the back of his softly, making his heart jump into his throat.

"but what do i do if the only good thing i find in my memories is you?" he muttered.

noelle didn't hear his question as it was lost in the sound of chirping birds and blowing wind and luke couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

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extra long luke chapter because im feeling a lot of things for this boy that i cannot explain i am having chest pains. idk how i feel about this. i kinda like it but then i kinda dont and ehhhh i guess. thanks for reading! please vote/comment if you like it :-)