fifteen ; l.h.

her

"i didn't mean for you to find out this way."

luke's jaw clenched, the grocery bag she'd taken from him long forgotten on the floor.

"oh yeah?" he spat bitterly. "then how did you mean for me to find out? if you even wanted me to."

noelle grimaced at his tone, accepting the fact that she deserved this treatment and that there was no way to put the conversation off anymore.

"i was going to wait until we got back to queensdale to tell you," she confessed.

"and then you decided to tell ashton before me? what's the logic in that, noelle?" he nearly yelled. "i love you, goddammit. i deserve to know this shit before anybody else!"

she bit her lip as angry and dejected tears gathered in her eyes. never before had she felt so ashamed of herself. the world felt like it was spinning off it's axis.

"i'm sorry," she sobbed, her hand clamping onto her mouth as soon as it escaped. "my mom called to yell at me for leaving and ashton overheard what we said. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."

"how long?" luke asked, voice low. "how long have you been planning to leave?"

"i haven't been plan-"

"just tell me!"

more sobs flew out of her mouth as she answered, the guilt taking over her system.

"a week? maybe two?" luke could barely understand her through her crying. "my mom and dad are fed up with my 'attitude', so they're making us leave queensdale before school starts in two weeks."

luke's face transitioned from anger to despair in a millisecond, only sending noelle into more turmoil. this wasn't easy by any means and the fact that it all had to unravel like this just made things so much worse for both of them.

"why?" he breathed out. "why would you hide this from me?"

"because you were doing so well," she whimpered. "you were finally happy and you forgave yourself and you were alive. i couldn't ruin all that."

"that was all possible because of you! when you leave, how do you expect me to cope? do you honestly expect me to move on? that is so selfish of you, you know that?"

all noelle could do was nod. it was selfish of her to prolong all of this just for the sake of making sure he didn't fall back into his depression. she obviously played a huge part in his life and to suddenly remove herself without warning? selfish.

"i don't know what to do anymore," he ran his hand through his hair roughly. "is there anything else you've been keeping from me?"

"luke, of course not. please believe me when i say that i kept this a secret for your benefit," she pleaded.

"my benefit?" luke's eyes narrowed. "how does this benefit me? you're leaving for fuck's sake! nothing about that is beneficial, no matter how long you keep it from me!"

then, with his chest heaving and his eyes red, he opened the door and left the house. it wasn't the loud bang of the door or the sound of ashton's soothing voice that resonated in her head.

it was luke's last mumbled words as he left her with fresh tears staining her face and her heart ripped out of her chest.

"i can't do this anymore."

-

noelle was surprised when she found herself able to fall asleep. she wasn't surprised, however, when she found that luke was not beside her when she woke up.