Lanterns

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That night was nothing like the blood harvest.

Nan's kitchen was empty. Only scattered with the few who knew the Fraley's, but so who wanted to be tied to their tarnished names.

June and Richard shared a chair. They entwined hands and watched a calm draft blow through the tattered curtains of the kitchen. Alger sat with Rose. She rested her head on his broad shoulders. A tender moment I rarely saw from the distant two.

Nan was tucked under her bed just as I left her with her glass of water still full. She would not wake to eat. She only wanted to sleep she had said. No one dared to ask her twice.

Alun was the saddest sight of anyone. He had no voice left to speak as the night dragged on. His beard was overgrown and left shadows under his sunken eyes. He remained in his corner like a cushion without its fill.

"I'd be a man without a friend or a lass," Buggy's said from within as I watched Alun.

He had lost everyone.

Whatever lies we had told ourselves were laughing back at us. We were sitting in others blood and waiting for what was to come. Cowards.

After a half-eaten dinner, the return to the tent was a welcomed one. Although no one slept. Heavy breathing and hushed cries continued as the night dragged on.

We were on the uncertain edge of what would happen now. I hadn't felt this way since we came to this camp and now we were here again.

An urge weighed under my belly. On most nights I could sleep through this, but I had to leave this tent, if just for a moment. A stop at the outhouse would be my excuse.

I pulled away from my blanket and tent as gently as possible and carried the lantern with me. The simmering flame lit the walls and outlined every cobweb on my way.

Just the outhouse and back, I said to myself.

The walk was turning frightful. With every murky gain, a distant creak in the floor screamed with every step I took. Never before, always after and always ahead.

I let my foot down with care when the creak piled so close it rattled the wood from under me. I ran back in swooping steps. The flame of my lantern swayed like a firefly in flight. I looked back to see what it could be, but the dim light was no help in this blinding dark.

I ran until I was back at the tent. The flame of the lantern flickered under my hand. It was the last time I would hear Buggy.

"Tell them," he said, his voice pressed on the bruise of my heart, "Just like I showed you."

At that moment I had something I never knew I had, courage.

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