The Fear List (The Fear Series, #1) ON HOLD

Chapter 10 - The Fear List

Chapter 10 - Molly's POV

*Saturday afternoon 15/05/14 - Bet: Day 4*

Darkness.

That's all that surrounds me when I fall from an unforeseen jolt. Just before the black took over I witnessed Ren's hand shoot out to catch me. Now seconds later his vision is blinded yet he still manages to latch onto my arm, brushing my chest in the process. I inhale so quickly that I almost choke. He is touching me. He touched my chest, a place no one else has touched. I can feel my skin tingling from the pressure of his large calloused hand that is now only wrapped around my slim upper arm, not touching any other body part like before.

As the seconds past I let his hand stay in place up until I swiftly pull my arm away from him when it registers in my mind that I don't want him touching me. However as the warmth from where his hand laid fades from my skin I feel as if I have lost something. I'm in a state of confusion as to why I feel this way. My muddled thoughts distract me a large amount, not allowing me to apprehend my surroundings or lack of for that matter. Though as Ren's gruff voice fills the small enclosed space my mind starts to clear, leaving me in an alarmed frame of mind.

"Molly? Are you ok?" he calls out. Although I'm right in front of him and in no putative danger he still reassures me with a "It's going to be ok" not fully understanding that those very words set off the triggers that were being held back by the smallest of threads.

I feel my whole body tense and my breathing quickens, it's almost as if I'm scared. Then I recognise that I feel fear creeping in the back of my mind, itching to take over all rational thoughts. But why am I scared? It's so sudden, yet this is a different fear from the touching anxiety that I have. Thus the contact I just had with Ren can't be the cause of this unidentified fear. No, this terrified feeling is one that comes from not knowing what to expect. All the different emotions overwhelm me and cause me to become lightheaded.....

Mommy has gone out again; I don't know what time she's going to be back. It's not the first time that she's gone out all night and left me behind either but I'm so scared when she does. I don't know where daddy is either but I'm sure it's been a couple days since I last saw him.

I don't remember when I became so afraid of being alone. I can't pin point an exact time, the fear has just existed for as long as I can recall. I have now learnt when she is going to leave me. There are always signs that show me that I will be left alone for the night. The first sign was when she would put on pretty clothes, the kind that you wear when you're going out somewhere nice or the ones you see the girls on television wear when they are getting ready for a big date. I thought it strange that she would dress up when she just got in from work because she was supposed to change into her pyjamas not something fancy.

The second sign was that she wouldn't talk to me when she got home from work. It was like she was mad at me or something even though I did nothing wrong. I would receive the silent treatment all the way up until the next morning, which is when things would miraculously go back to normal as if she didn't just abandon me the night before.

Lastly the third sign would be the one that was sometimes uncertain. This sign was a note left for me saying that my dinner was left in the fridge for me to heat up in the microwave. Yet sometimes she would leave this note if she was running late from work and wouldn't be in until late, but would stay at home that night. So the notes where never really clear signs. It's things like her kindness that I don't understand though. She would make me dinner and make sure I'm safe yet she doesn't think twice about leaving me at home alone.