Blood Sugar

Part Thirty-Eight: Fuck This

At Johns'

His whole apartment smelled like booze.. there were empty wine bottles on the floor and an ashtray full of cig and joint butts. He himself didn't look much better. His eyes were bloodshot, he must've had loads and loads of weed. Was this because of me?

John sat down on the floor and rubbed his eyes. "Hey Kaya...how was your weekend?" I shrugged. "Oh just great." He knit his eyebrows. "Everything alright?" "Yup." "Okay."

"I'll get us something to drink.. wine?" I shook my head. Wine is never a good idea when you plan to tell someone you won't see him anymore. And sleeping with that someone didn't mean a thing. Especially when he's such a mess. "I'll pass. I'm okay with water."

He came back with a cup of water and a bottle of red wine which he opened immediately and took a huge slug. I sighed.. fuck.. what did I do to break him like that?

He wiped his mouth clean. "You regret that other night, don't you?" I looked down. He hit his forehead sarcastically. "Stupid me. Why am I even asking? Of course you do. Save that... we shouldn't have ever done it.. we're just friends, let's never talk about this again.. crap. I don't wanna hear it." "Don't do this John... please."

"Don't do what? This is exactly what you were tryin' to say.. I just know it by the way you're acting. So.. don't do what?" "You know I really, really like you.. but I was drunk and confused and this shouldn't be. I'm so sorry." He pointed his finger to me, shook his head and laughed bitterly. "See! Told you!"

I looked anywhere but to him and was nearly crying. "I.. I don't know what to say." John took another sip of wine. "Just don't say anything."

We kept quiet for a while.. and it wasn't anything near beautiful and romantic. It was torture. I never felt so out of place in my life. I needed to get away.

I took some courage and spoke up. "I don't think I should come and see you any longer." He shook his head. "No, definitely not." I cleared my throat. "Um.. yeah.. especially because I'm gonna get back with Lee." John put his wine bottle down with a loud bang.

"What did you just say?" "I'm gonna get back with Lee?" John frowned. "Good one Kay." "I'm serious actually."

"No no no.. you can't be getting back with him after... you and me.. who would do that? I mean.. he's not that stupid, is he? ...wait.. you did tell him, right?" I scratched my head nervously. Shit.. "Ha! This is getting better and better. You fucking didn't tell him."

"This is none of your business actually.. but he broke up with me then.. so I basically was single", I tried to justify my point. "Yeah right.. and because you were seperated like what? Two, three days.. you think he's not supposed to know. He fucking deserves to know. I'm pretty sure he won't be too fond of this." "Yeah.. but he doesn't need to know." "God Kay, you're so self-centred. But what goes around, comes around. You'll see." "Don't you dare tell him." "Well.. fuck you.. You're not telling me what to do.. and now get the fuck outta my face", he said and gave me a look of pure evil.

The most vile things were on the tip of my tongue.. but I kept the words to myself and left. I knew I was the one being the dickhead. And I had no right to shoot back. I heard him tossing his bottle against the wall but I didn't look back. This would probably be for the best.