Fix Me

Fix Me {1}

My name is Gabriel. I'm not normal, I always knew this from a young age. I never liked going outside, I thought it was gross and icky. I wasn't one for getting dirty. I was a neat and clean little boy. My dad tried to treat me like fathers usually do, wrestling, ruffling of hair, etc. I never found that fun, at all.

On Memorial Day one year, I was about 7 at the time. Dad wanted to play football and tossed the ball my way, I fumbled to catch it. On impact, it stung and burned a bit. I looked up at my dad with tears threatening to overflow. My hands were bruised and scraped. Adina and my mother rushed over to my side.

Daddy.. Playing rough isn't nice.. I wanna play with Adina..

My dad recieved a scolding from my mother after that.

Dad never treated me like that again. He was always gentle and careful with me, like I was his daughter, not a son. It never once bothered me. With my father being a pastor, as long as I lived by the word of God and met my parents expectations, he loved me. Everyone was envious of the pastor's family. A gorgeous Swedish wife, a gorgeous smart daughter, and handsome artistic son. A perfect life. I never meant to ruin any of it.

"I'm gay." I confessed.

I stood there in the middle of my sister's room. A tense silence between us. She sighed and rose off her bed, adjusting her skirt. And looked at me with her ash mauve eyes, identical to mine.

"Ok. It doesn't bother me." She stated.

I looked at her shocked.

"You'll always be my big brother and I'll love you no matter what. You being gay doesn't change anything."

I gave her a small smile.

Thank god.. I was so scared..

I hugged her tightly, desperately trying to hold back my tears. My heart' pace slowed and my sweaty hands dried.

"Thank you for accepting me Adina.." I said, almost in a whisper.

She patted my back and pulled away.

"You're my brother and you'll stay that way forever and ever. I'll never push you out of my like because of something as trivial as that. I have to go to Annie's, I'll see you later," She said, leaving me alone in her room.

I sighed in relief. Holding my hand over my heart. I didn't think she'd be so understanding. But she's practically my best friend, I can tell her everything. I certainly underestimated her. I walked out of her room, shutting the door behind me and headed downstairs. My parents were in the kitchen cooking supper. My father was standing behind my mother, his arms laced around her waist; in a close embrace. She was standing there giggling like a fool. They were still quite young and full of love.

"Get a room you two," I sarcastically said, leaning against the wall.

My mother blushed and frantically went back to cooking.

She looks like a flustered school girl.

My father awkwardly cleared his throat. I laughed a little and started for the door.

"Where are you going, Gaberiel?" He called.

"Just for a walk, I promise to be back before dinner," I called back, walking out.

More like I don't want to be in that house.

I just recently came to terms with my sexuality. And I felt like I was betraying everything my family and I stood for. Good morals and living by god's teachings. I cringed at that thought. What a horrible son I am.. If they ever knew they'd be so ashamed. I trudged along. I came to the local park, instead of the bird singing, I was greeted with the screaming and shouting of children playing and idle chat between their mothers.