Fix Me

Fix Me {9}

"Gabey, what do you plan doing after we graduate?" Kim asked.

I gave her a quizzical look and laughed goofily.

"I really don't know. I just have you on my mind," I replied, kissing her cheek.

"You're so sweet Gabey!" She exclaimed.

I smiled and took her hand. She blushed of course and we walked to lunch together hand in hand. Ever since that fight with Jace, it triggered something in me. Like I needed to prove something to him and let it be known that he has no hold on me. That I can move on. Though he's the one I think about, anytime I kiss my girlfriend or touch her in anyway, I think of that day. Because of him I have blown through countless girls, not loving any of them. My heart and mind were still filled with feelings and thoughts for Jace. Why they are there is beyond me, but they embedded deep in me now.

We hardly talked after that fight though. Being in first period together was awful and nerve-wracking, but we made it. But now we have even more classes together. We have learned to live with each other though. I mean we have to, no way that we can just pretend the other doesnt exist when he's not even a foot away. It'd be immature to do so. Jace was of course still dating Carter and they were extremely open. To my surprise they weren't teased either. Not that I care. We both grew into two different people, I was enjoying my last year, partying and drinking, females. While he was content my enjoying it with his new found love.

I'm almost jealous. Bouncing from person to person was a hassle. I'm a lazy guy, but girls are lined up by the dozen so they kinda doing the work for me. I don't even like girls, but here I am dating them by the dozen. They're so complicated and moody, always expecting me to know exactly what they want everytime. I'm not psychic! That's impossible! But I bet a guy would be so much easier and I wouldn't have to worry about all this.

I shrugged off the thoughts and packed my stuff to go home. And of course I'd see 'those who shall not be named' on the way there. But I've gotten used to seeing their faces full of love and happiness. While I was just green with envy. One of the seven sins I'm guilty of committing, like really guilty. But no shame from me. I admit, I want a boyfriend who loved me and treated me like a princess rather than running myself tagged for some annoying and never satisfied female. I want what they have.

And it hurts to not have it, huh?

I sighed. I guess it's my own fault, I'm the one who wanted to cut ties anyway. They were awfully close behind me today, I could hear them talking. I couldn't make out any words though. That abruptly stopped when they came a bit closer. I wanted to talk to him so bad, but my pride wouldn't let me. Yet another sin to be guilty of! That's the least of my worries, I'm homosexual. An abomination. Unholy and disgusting. These are all the words I can use to describe myself. Lost in my train if thought, I felt Carter's small hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"Jace wants to make up with you." He said, pulling Jace behind him.

His face made it obvious this wasn't wanted. In fact, he was trying to pull away. I raised an eyebrow and he froze.

"Do you really?" I asked.

"We didn't really. Y'know, start off great and hating you isn't easy. So, let's put an end to this." Jace proposed.

Ba-thump..

This is the person I missed. The sweet and considerate Jace. My fluttering heart suddenly hurt. Jace isn't mine alone anymore. Will I be able to accept this? What would it matter, I have Lynn. But Jace is irreplaceable. Not that he feels the same for me.

"Yeah." I agreed.

We bumped our fists. And I walked along with them. Our paths seperated when I passed my house, leaving the two of them alone. Going up to my room I thought about all the things they must've done. It kills me, it honestly does. All these weird feelings are coming back. I desperately wanted them gone, but here they are.

Kim had texted me, but I didn't a respond. I was relapsing back into that weak person I was last year. That guy who didn't know what he wanted. I still don't know now, but it's becoming more confusing now than ever. I honestly felt lost inside myself. That's an awful feeling by the way.

I ruffled my hair in frustration and kicked the wall. So so confused!! It's driving me nuts. I threw myself on the bed, burning myself in my thick and unmade sheets.

I felt tingly and hollow. Jace always made me feel this way. Just confused and not like right with myself. He's the deciding factor of my day, he can make my day or he can totally ruin it. He did it then and still does now, i hated how much control her had over me. I felt totally at a loss against him.

I hugged myself and sighed heavily.

"You've found your way back in Jace Patel.. At this rate, I'll really go insane."

~

Found motivation to continue this. Thanks to LilMissMagpie and angelblackdevil. I'll make it damn good for you two! See ya next chapter!