Longing Hearts [Rilaya]

secrets

Riley's POV

"We're back at school" Maya whispers.

"I don't wanna get up" I whine when hearing the chatter of people around me.

"Well you're going to have to" she says and pokes me in the side.

"Oh fine" I say tiredly and throw scattered items into my backpack.

Taking a nap on the way distracted me from today's events. Now that I'm conscious again, the worrying has returned. I really made a mess of things by bringing up the whole thing about last night. I'm terrified of having that discussion because I don't want to talk to her about it. I want to leave it alone.

I spent all day with Lucas trying to avoid Maya and my feelings. I know it wasn't a good idea but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. All of this is a new feeling which I'm constantly nervous about ruining. Lucas probably thinks I'm into him again which is the farthest from accurate right now. I thought that being around him would help but there's just not any feelings there anymore. He's nice and physically attractive I guess but he's just not Maya. Every time I'm around her it's just a constant feeling of butterflies and happiness. His flirting attempts haven't gone unnoticed but I don't know how to respond when I'm clearly just hopelessly falling for Maya.

It's just a hopeless crush on a person who won't love me the way I love them, I have to find a way to make it go away I just have to. People say to follow your heart but my heart only longs to be with her and I can't risk breaking it because of one sided feelings.

I walk off the bus and decide I need to at least come out to Maya as bisexual soon. She deserves to know that.

"How's it going?" Zay asks as he slings an arm around my shoulders.

"Well it's uh going" I smile at him.

Zay is remarkably good at being the casual and laid back friend. He's always in a good mood and is constantly joking around. He honestly hasn't changed much since I first met him. It's a welcome attitude in my life especially right now.

"Nothing you want to talk about?"

"No. Why?" I ask slowly.

"Well I know you didn't really interact with Maya today. And listen I'm glad for my boy Lucas and all but seriously is everything alright?" he says.

"Yep we're fine everything's good now" I smile.

He's just trying to be a good friend which I appreciate but I wish it wasn't noticeable enough for him to even ask.

He looks at me for a long moment. I doubt he believes me, but then reaches into his backpack and randomly pulls out a bag of gummy bears. He hands them to me.

"Zay, any particular reason you're giving me these?" I reply, gesturing to the gummy bears.

"Well I figured you could use some sugar" he says.

"Did you steal them from Farkle?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

He has a habit of taking Farkle's food and probably owes him a ton of money for the amount of snacks he's snuck away.

"Yeah but he won't mind" Zay waves his hand dismissively.

I put the stolen gummy bears in my own bag knowing full well that Farkle will be upset but he'll have to get over it.

"Thanks Zay" I flash him a quick smile before starting to walk again.

"No problem, see you Monday" he grins and salutes before jogging over to Lucas.