Baby Boy | Zustiall AU [COMPLETE]

Twenty Seven

Niall is crying his eyes out the whole time he's going through security. Lucky for him, he's a silent crier, and the only indicator is that he keeps wiping his face every couple seconds. In his heart, he knows that what he's doing is wrong, but he also knows that his intentions are good. It's a confusing mental state for him to be in, and with everything already being jumbled from his severe anxiety, it just feels worse.

He fiddles with his phone as he waits at the gate, hating himself every time he lets Zayn's phone calls go straight to voicemail. He has a flashback to Justin telling him communication is key, and he knows this to be true, but he's too anxious to even think about having this conversation, or any conversation at all.

By the time he's boarded the plane, guilt has started to make him feel physically sick. He sticks his headphones in his ears, desperate for some sort of distraction on the too-long flight.

- - -

Zayn, Justin, Liam, and Harry make it to the airport just as Niall's flight is taking off.

"Fuck!" Justin shouts as he glances at the departure screen just to confirm that it's true. "What do we do now!?"

"Calm down," Zayn says gently, able to recognize his husband's anxiety starting to seriously spike. "We're gonna book the next flight and get to him as quickly as possible. We're going to talk about this, figure out what has him so scared, and work things out."

Zayn's certainty of the next steps helps ease Justin's panic slightly. "Okay," he nods. He pushes the panic back down and takes his husband's hand. "Okay, let's get those plane tickets."

- - -

Niall isn't surprised at how angry Liam is at him, but it does seriously upset him. Liam is angry enough to go straight to his bedroom when he gets home, walking straight past where Nial is sitting on the couch without even looking at him. 

"Liam?" Niall calls after him quietly, but Liam just goes straight to his room and slams the door. The sound startles Niall enough to make tears well up in his eyes, but he doesn't let them fall down his cheeks. Liam's anger is justified and he knows that. His container of anxiety medicine rests on the coffee table in front of him, and Niall finally leans over and takes one.

- - -

Knocking on the apartment door wakes Niall up the next morning. Liam is either gone or still brooding in his room, and the fact that Niall isn't sure makes him feel shitty. He and Liam have never fought in all their years of friendship, and he feels terrible that it's happening like this.

It doesn't surprise him to see Zayn and Justin standing there as he pulls the door open. He lowers his head, tears of embarrassment and shame welling up in his eyes.

"I --" he begins, but Justin is immediately shaking his head.

"How could you do that?" he demands. "How could you just leave? Without talking to us? Telling us where you're going? How could you scare us like that, Niall?"

"I...I don't know," Niall mumbles. "I don't know!" His stands start shaking, and he absentmindedly starts scratching at his shoulder. "I -- I wasn't thinking, I was just --"

"No, you weren't thinking! You couldn't have been thinking!" Justin explodes, not yelling, just clearly extremely frustrated. "I just...Niall, you can't do that. You can't just disappear on us. Have you talked to Liam? He was devastated." He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Niall," Zayn says, much more gently than Justin had, clearly not as upset as his husband. "Talk to us, please. Please tell us why you felt the need to leave in the middle of the night to fly back home without saying a word. Please, angel."

Niall wipes his cheeks. "I..." He takes a deep breath, hating himself. "I have anxiety," he finally explains quietly. "I have really severe anxiety, and I never told you guys because..." He passes his hands over his face. "I was embarrassed!" he finally cries out. "I was embarrassed, okay? I was embarrassed, so I didn't take my medication the whole time we were in Italy. I...I didn't want you guys to see and think any less of me." He wipes his cheek with the sleeve of the pale pink hoodie he's wearing.

Justin doesn't say anything, but his jaw is clenched shut tight. "Niall," he says slowly. "I have anxiety, too."

Niall looks up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. I've been taking meds for a few years now." His voice has softened noticeably. "Baby, that's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's really not," Zayn nods, running a hand through Niall's hair. Niall leans into Zayn, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I have depression, and I'm on meds for it as well. I suffered from an eating disorder for a long time, too. Mental illness is nothing to be embarrassed about, Niall. We never would've shamed you for that."

"I know," Niall replies. "I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to go so long without taking my meds...and when my anxiety gets really bad, I end up seriously overreacting." He chews on his lip, blinking back tears. "I...I really am sorry. I shouldn't have taken that anxiety out on you, especially when the entire Italy trip was just for me..." A shaky sob leaves him before he can stop it. "I would understand if -- if you wanted to break up with me after that..."

"Niall," Justin sighs, cupping the tiny blond's face in his hands. "Baby boy..." He kisses his forehead. "I'm not gonna lie to you, on the drive over here, I was really, really pissed off. I had no idea why you left, or why you felt like you couldn't talk to us about it. But...I understand now. I'm still frustrated, because you should've talked to us, but I get why you felt like you couldn't." He hugs Niall close to him, the tiny blond's cheek smushed against his shoulder. "Angel, we're not breaking up with you because of this."

"We just need to make a rule of the fact that you have to communicate with us, okay? No more running away," Zayn says firmly.

Niall wipes his cheek. "I promise! I promise, and I'm really sorry!"

"Should spank you for that," Justin mumbles, and Niall yelps and squirms away from him.

"I love you," Niall responds.

"Nope. No cute-ing your way out of this," Justin says, trying to be stern, but he can't help but smile when Niall rains kisses along his chin (the highest he can reach on tiptoe).

"Liam is still mad at me," Niall mumbles into Justin's neck.

"Hmm. Bet I could fix that," Justin smiles. "Is he here?"

Niall shrugs, going over to hug Zayn as Niall makes his way down the hall. Shaking his head fondly after him, Zayn wraps an arm around Niall's shoulder.

"You really do have to talk to us," Zayn murmurs, leaving a kiss on the top of Niall's head. "You should know by now that nothing's gonna scare us away."

"I'm sorry," Niall mumbles. "I'll talk to you from now on, I promise."

"That's all we ask, angel." Zayn kisses his cheek again and his phone vibrates in his pocket. Confused, he pulls it out.

New message from: Alex

Hi, Zayn. It's been awhile. Can I see you and Justin sometime soon? I miss you.

Zayn's heart drops to his stomach.