Battlefield ｡ Tony Stark

44 - A HERO IN HER EYES

It was the longest moment watching the struggle on Tony Stark's face; the pain and confusion with how the events of our life together had panned out. For days now, we had been flopping back and forth with our relationship and it had been horrible. Everything between us was unclear and unpredictable. We had been going around and around in circles with no true destination on the horizon. Until now.

"Tilly..." Tony started softly, eyes heavy lidded on me.

A pain radiated through my body with hearing my nickname pass through his lips and like water rushing over stones in a river, all the drama and heartache was slipping away from us both because right now, there were more important things than a fight that had happened days ago when our minds had been doused with fire and gasoline. "Get over here and hold my hand before I seriously, kick your ass, Stark."

He entered the quiet room, his suit looking out of place with the harsh florescent lights. Samuel was already moving towards him and slipping his tiny hand into his own. Tony ruffled his hair sweetly before taking his spot beside my bed, our focus turned back to Bryce O'Shea, who blinked a few times. Clearly, she was a little star struck with the presence of Iron Man, but she let that thought go and went back to watching the monitor screen. 

Gulping, my eyes strained towards her, waiting for the news. 

"I understand you would be familiar with types of miscarriages, Tilda, with your background in medicine." Bryce started slowly, her own heart sinking in her chest. I was numbly nodding my head in reply, fearing the worst. "Usually, miscarriages occur before twenty weeks and by the amount of blood and pain you were in before your arrival to the hospital, I expected it could have been a false alarm or an inevitable miscarriage."

Samuel frowned. "What's that?"

My eyes dripped towards him with a quick reply, knowing his curious mind would not stop ticking away without a true and not sugar coated answer. "That's when the miscarriage comes without warning sometimes and has a lot of bleeding, kiddo. During those types of miscarriages, a woman's cervix opens and the developing foetus comes out with the bleeding."

"Oh," My son noted, a little grossed out. 

Tony weaved his hand through my own, darkness filling his eyes suddenly, maybe already knowing tonight's event would not end smoothly. "You expected, Doc? What exactly do you mean by that?"

Doctor O'Shea moved her attention to the monitor screen, pointing out what almost looked like a tiny human, but the screen was blurry and it was hard to make anything out correctly, not with the sadness curling through my veins. "Well, you can slightly see the developing foetus right here, but...there's no heartbeat. I'm so sorry, Miss Hardings."

Tears dotted my eyes with her words. "It was a missed miscarriage." The words felt hollow leaving my dry lips, the world tainting at the edges around my vision. I was no expect with pregnancy or midwifery but there was some information within medicine you just did not forget and a missed miscarriage was one; where the baby died inside the womb, not leaving with the loss of blood or tissue from the uterus. 

A silent cry slipped into the quiet room, my head resting back against the stack of pillows that kept me propped up. My eyes squeezed shut, trying my best to push away the pain that was demanding to be heard over the chaos in my mind right now. I could vaguely hear Doctor O'Shea speaking quietly to Tony, detailing the next steps and how Samuel was quietly crying in the corner. There was the background sound of the television displaying the opening of Stark Expo but nothing truly registered in my head. 

When the world finally went silent, my eyes opened to find the room almost empty, only Tony Stark remained, Doctor O'Shea having left with Samuel. Tony had stepped out of the Iron Man suit completely now, his head bowed. I wanted to reach for him, to wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head against his chest and cry all the pain from my body tonight, but I was frozen in place, everything feeling too raw. "Tilly, I'm sorry for everything. Absolutely everything. I don't know what to even say right now, I've never been good at sharing feelings, you know that, but with everything that's been going on and now this--"

"It's okay."

He shook his head, "Nothing is just okay. You just lost our..." Tony couldn't even say the words out loud. Slowly, he lowered himself to the chair by the bed and pushed some hair behind my ear without speaking, maybe trying to clear his mind. "I can't begin to apologise because there is no real excuse, but trying to push you away was stupid. I just didn't want to hurt you and now, by doing that, I've lost you."

My heart broke just a little more. "Why did you try and push me away?"

Tony sucked in a gulp of air, "I was dying."

"Excuse me?"

He gave me a vague shrug of his shoulders, which made me realise that while our lives had been separated recently, we each had heavy burdens we had been carrying by ourselves. We were alike like that; never wanting to ask for help, always suffering through confusion and pain alone, almost like we believed we deserved it. "It's a very long story, but please know that whatever words were said out of anger, I do love you and I always will, Tilda Hardings. There's nothing more in this world that I want. I want our family."

I blinked away fresh tears and pushed against his shoulder, which he did not expect. "You bloody idiot." Tony laughed quietly, glancing back at the darkened screen where a life that had been lost had appeared minutes ago. Watching his face drop again, brought back the harsh reality. "I should hate you, you know that? But I suppose, I never really could completely hate you. Not even all those years ago."

"Does that mean you forgive me, Tilly? That we can just...be us."

There was no chance in redoing the past, no true way to move on without remembering the pain that burned so brightly. We could not undo the damage that had been done, nor could we protect our hearts from the heartache that might come around again, but we could try to forgive ourselves and love with everything inside of our souls.

I smiled weakly, my hand placed upon his own. "Being us, sounds great."

Tony leaned forward, planting a sweet kiss on my temple. "Good, because I kind of need to hop back into my suit and save the city." He mumbled out softly, peeling away from my bed. He paused, swinging back to me, knowing damn well questions piped up in my mind with his remark. "Another long story, but Justin Hammer is a fool and he's about to get a lot of people injured tonight at Stark Expo. You don't mind if I swing over there and stop the bad guys? I'll be right back."

Confusion still lingered in my hazy mind, but my lips pulled back in a true, wonderful smirk that only made him smile back at me. "Go on, Iron Man. Save the world and be a hero in my eyes again." Tony was climbing back into his suit with my reply, a little excited because being a hero in the eyes of so many people was one of his favourite things. "But make sure you come back to me in one piece this time. Also, tell your son he's loved."

Tony nodded, "Deal, Tilda Hardings."