Collection Of Depressing Poems I Wrote At Late Hours Of The Night

Full

People say it helps
To eat
I have to many problems
I want them all gone
Eating sounds like the opposite of helpful
But I try
So I eat
and eat
Until I feel Full

It feels weird
It's hard to explain
Not being full of something
Full of happiness
Full of laughter
Or even full or sadness
It was just full
It was uncomfortable,
I dreaded the feeling of having stuffed everything inside me
So I waited
I waited
And waited and waited and waited
And went and went and went
Until I finally could accomplish the good feeling again
The feeling of empty
The feeling of a pain in my gut because it hasn't been fed in hours
The cramp that comes during PE because I skipped my last meals

The feeling of emotion returns
I feel happy
I feel proud
I feel satisfied
Because I am empty
I know it's not right
I know I should love the feeling of full
I know food is supposed to taste
I'm supposed to like it
I need it to live
But it only hurts
Because I don't like feeling full

I know what I love is wrong
I know I could use some help
I keep telling myself that I'm still healthy, that I haven't gone to far
Yet
I haven't gone too far,
Yet.
I know I've been sending out signals
I've been trying to alert my friends
I want them to help me
But I don't want this to end
I love my punishment
I want to stay small

They don't hear my cries
Because they think it's nothing at all
"All girls have body issues"
"It's normal to want to lose a few"
Not just a few
"What?"
All of it
I want it all gone
I want the skin that covers my body to be pulled tight
Till you can see every bone and organ and every single part of my insides until there is no meat left on me
Until I look like a skeleton
People like skeletons

I hate the feeling of Full
And right now
I'm Full of my own disappointment.

{a/n:
So I have a special occasion going on tomorrow so I will not be posting tomorrow}