Collection Of Depressing Poems I Wrote At Late Hours Of The Night

I am

        I am afraid. Not of anyone in particular, but of everything. I am terrified of how fast the years have gone by, I barely remember anything after turning ten. My life has always been a chorus of "You are too young to know/do/feel..." and now I am suddenly deciding where I am going with my life. Time has not felt real to me. Some days I feel like I am just running on a loop and repeating my days. Some days the loop seems to be a plain and I feel like I am running faster and faster towards the edge of the cliff, but I am unable stop myself because for once I am not on a loop. Somehow during this cycle of loops and cliffs, I have suddenly become a person, but I have no idea how I did it. None of this makes any sense to me, but some days that is okay.
        I am alone. In my days I usually have my main two friends who love me and are there for me. My friends from middle school still exist but have made it clear where I stand to them, far off to the dark corners of their mind. I know people care for me, but I am alone in the world. No one is there for me during bad nights. No one knows the dark places of my mind that I often escape to. I may not be alone in my experiences but no one is here to help me cope. I figured life would be better when I got past the coming outs and the family discussions and the curious stares but it is never enough. I could have to whole world next to me but I still would wake up in cold sweats or lie awake at night or cry alone in my bathroom because I am always going to be alone.