Red vs Blue Season 1: Male Oc

Rvb S1 E17 "Points Of Origin"

Blue Base
Tex, together with Church, Tucker, and Caboose, is standing outside Blue Base.

Tex: As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you.

Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to face Church.

Ghost Church: I saved you from a life of imprisonment. How the hell are you square with me?

Caboose and Tucker simultaneously turn to Tex.

Tex: Because I didn't kill you back at Sidewinder.

Caboose and Tucker turn back to Church.

Ghost Church: You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor.

Caboose and Tucker turn to Tex.

Tex: Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now.

Ghost Church: No, you can't! I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!

Caboose: Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US?

Tex: What about you?

Caboose: We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing!

Tex: Well yeah, but...

Ghost Church: Yeah, but nothin'. He's got a point.

Tex: I did help them get the flag back.

Tucker: Yeah, but you were paid to do that. We rescued you as a favor. We could have just let you rot in the Red Army prison, it wouldn't have made any difference to us.

Tex: Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. As soon as I have, I'm outta here. What do you need me to do?

Tucker: I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that.

Tex: ...Okay.

Caboose: Wait, you-you know how to fix Sheila? ...I love you.

Red Base
To Lopez.

Lopez: >Then he would say "you do not weigh more, I weigh more." Then we put our bodies on the scale and determined who had the greatest weight. After that, I called myself López the Heavy.

Grif: Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we can't get him to shut up. What's he saying?

Simmons: What're you asking me for?

Grif: Well, you know, because you're of, uh, a Latino persuasion.

Simmons: Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass. I'm Dutch-Irish.

Grif: But I thought-

Leo: >Interesting story Lopez.<

Simmons: You can speak Spanish?

Leo: Yeah, I called command for a Spanish dictionary and I'm doing well so far.

Grif: Cool I guess...

Donut: ...I'm from Iowa.

Grif and Simmons: Nobody cares!

Red Base
To Tucker and Caboose sneaking up behind Sheila.

Ghost Church: Okay, take it easy guys. When I was over at the Red Base, I saw that they've already got their jeep fixed. So whatever you do, don't let 'em see us before we get Sheila back online.

Caboose: Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going to turn her over? I mean it's not as if we could just lift-

Tex comes over and flips Sheila back over.

Caboose: Oh. She is a very strong lady.

Ghost Church: I'm the one that's the least visible, so I'm gonna head up here to higher ground. I'll keep an eye on the Red Base. If I see anything, I'll let you know.

Caboose: Great, I'll come with you!

Church: That kinda defeats the purpose, Caboose.

Caboose: Okay. What if I'm really... (softer) really... (whispering) quiet?

Ghost Church: Do you even understand what the term "visibility" means?

Caboose: Ah hah hah, uhh.... good one, Church.

Ghost Church: Seriously. You don't know what it means, do you?

Caboose: Uh, no...

Church: Caboose, just stay here, man, and try not to swallow your tongue or anything like that.

Tucker: Just watch the Red Base, and tell us if you see any movement.

Tucker runs up to Tex who is welding on the tank.

Tucker: So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought.

Tex: (stops to face Tucker) I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things.

Tucker: Yeah, but you like it.

Tex: Well, I think it's important to enjoy what you do.

Tucker: So let's say I payed you to kill Caboose. (looks at Caboose) You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?

Tex: Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?

Tucker: Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more.

Church is up on the ledge where he was killed.

Ghost Church: Hey, Tucker!

Tucker: What?!

Ghost Church: What the hell is my body still doing up here?

Tucker: That's part of being dead, Church. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet.

Ghost Church: Alright, well let me rephrase that then: Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?

Tucker: Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles. What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave?

Ghost Church: Well then how about shipping me back home? You know, let the loved ones pay a little respect.

Tucker: Well Church, here's your girlfriend. Tex, as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?

Tex turns around and starts working on the tank again.

Tucker: That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!

The End
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