FEELS •shawn mendes•

feels •shawn mendes• ch. 12

We drive in angry silence for a while, shawn looking at me every now and then.

When we get to my house I jump out of the car without a word. Shawn calls after me but I ignore it and run to my room in tears.

I fucking like him. And he's killing me every day with the words he says. Why did I agree to this?

I text my friends for a while but I can't tell any of them about shawn. They'd be so mad at me.

I sit on my bed and look at a picture of shawn and I that we took in the car one day. It's my home screen on my phone and looking at it makes me want to cry.

The more I think about him the more it hurts me, and i suddenly start bawling.

As I fall asleep crying, my phone pings with a text.

SHAWN: goodnight, Hannon. I'm sorry.

I turn my phone off and go to bed.

...

The next morning I claim that my car magically started working again even though it was never broken at all.

I drive myself to school and ignore shawn when I see him in the hallway. I don't know what to do. He can't know I like him. I just need time to think.

The next two weeks go by just like that, I avoid him as much as possible.

I see him in the hallways, but we go opposite directions. We've made eye contact but I ignore him.

I don't know if I miss him or not. I'm just confused, and I have no idea how he feels about me.

The last thing I'm expecting is for shawn to come up to me during lunch when I go out to the water fountain. I thought he'd ignore me too.

"Look. We need to talk." He says sternly, and I roll my eyes.

"I don't want to."

"Aubrey, I apologized! What more do you want?"

"I don't know. Shawn, maybe this was a mistake."

"What was a mistake?" He asks.

My breath hitches in my throat.

"The deal, everything. Us. I don't know anymore! This won't end well." I say, choking up a bit.

"But I want it to work." Shawn says quietly.

Why?

"But it cant work!" I raise my voice a little.

"Why not?" Shawn seems confused.

"Because it hurts me!" I screech.

"Why would it hurt you..." shawns voice trails off and I fall silent.

"Nevermind." I tell him, and he frowns a little bit.

We stand there looking at each other before he takes my hands in his.

"I really am sorry. You've become part of my life. I can't just let you go..." shawn says, then kissing my forehead and leaving me there in the hallway.

If only you knew what you do to me.

*SHAWN POV*

She looks so sad. We didn't even talk for two weeks. No matter how many times I tried to apologize, it didn't work.

Seeing her in the hallways was hard. She'd look away any time we saw each other.

I think we just made up, but I'm not sure. I don't understand her...