Seven more than I needed

Chapter Twenty-Two

Noah's P.O.V.

Why do feelings exist? That's why robots are so cool... No feelings, no worries, no pain, no frustration... What's been happening to my brain is indecipherable. I always believed I had pretty good control over my mind and thoughts.

Ever since I lost that control, everything just crumbled to pieces... The wall I had built to hide and keep my feelings safe had been demolished in a few moments, the wall I had spent years building.

What was she doing with him? Why was she laughing? Why do I fucking care? Why does my heart clench whenever I think of her with him..? Why--- Why was I thinking about her again? and again.. and again..

I didn't want to do this again. Olivia was enough to make me lose my mind once, I don't need it again. I don't think I am even over her. But that smile. I can't stop thinking about it.

Olivia is something so unreachable to me. They say you fall in love with everything you're not... She was perfection to me... Oli just seemed so perfect in my mind it gave me the worst anxiety... I felt unworthy to be near her. Victoria makes me feel comfortable, which is something rare for me.

I frowned and looked in my bathroom mirror... What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep focusing on the one thing that makes me feel like shit, instead of something else that will most likely make me feel better? Can you be in love with two people at once?

What the hell is wrong with me?

* * * * *

I was pacing back and forth in my room, arms crossed over my chest. I needed to do something about this, I'm not that much of an idiot. I sighed and rubbed my eyes, opening my bedroom door.

I stopped in front of Oli's freshly painted white door, looking at it hesitantly. There was that feeling again, that feeling that made me feel useless and weak. I sighed and looked down at the doorknob.

The door opened and Oli stared at me confused. "Noah?" she blinked slowly. My face and neck started feeling hot, I was not prepared for this... I am never prepared to talk to her... "U-Uhm.." I stuttered quietly and bit my tongue. "I just wanted to ask something"

She smiled, she knew I was nervous to talk to her as always...She knew it yet she didn't find it weird or annoying, she was smiling to calm me down. "What's up" she leaned against the doorframe. "So uh... Are you going out with Emma and Tory tomorrow?"

I think they had said Saturday... "Hm..we were planning to but Tory had to cancel" she shrugged. I swallowed and nodded. "Ah okay, how come?" I broke the strong eye contact to look at my shoes and as I looked back at her again, her faintly amused expression made me blush even deeper. "She's going out on a date with Aidan..." she said casually, smiling.

Does Mr LoverBoy want to play? Fine! The voice inside my head growled. Oli crossed her arms over her chest and smiled wider, a sign of sneakiness in her eyes. "You still have time y'know, she still likes you very much.."

My mouth was slightly open, the embarrassment I was feeling was unbelievable. "N-No, I just--" she giggled softly and hugged me. "C'mon, relax.. I know both of you. Just make sure you show her that you're interested... And I'm warning you, don't treat her as if she's for granted." she said seriously and I nodded.

"Good" she smiled wide and patted my arm. I sighed and smiled back "Thank you Oli, I really appreciate that. Just...please don't tell her anything yet" she nodded. "I won't but I'll make sure to trash Aidan a bit" she winked and giggles. "Thanks." I chuckled quietly.