Memories [random updates]

Memories | 01

I could hear them; I could hear them all as they whispered around me believing that they were being quiet enough to not be heard by me. But they were wrong, they were far from quiet. “That’s $8.99, sir.” The woman behind the till said politely, diverting my attention from all the whispers and mumbles that were going on from behind me.

Nodding, I grabbed a ten dollar bill from my back pocket and handed it to her. “Keep the change.” I muttered, turning my back to her as I walked out of the little boutique, ignoring the way that they stared at me.

People stared at me as I walked past them, clutching the bouquet of red roses in my right hand. It was as if these people had never seen a guy hold red roses before, but I knew that there was more than that but I just couldn’t admit it.

As I walked down the street, the whispers surrounded me as I heard a little old lady talking to one of her friends. They both had their eyes glued on me, so no doubt I was the star of their conversation. They both stopped talking immediately once I walked past; sending me sympathetic looks which I hated.

I didn’t need their pity.

This is how life has been for the past week, as if pivoting and changing its course. Things had been so much easier a few weeks ago, it was much simpler. The days dragged on and on, every minute bringing me grief and worry; worry that I was going to lose her once and for all.

It was quite ironic that something like this was happening to me. The one time that I manage to do something right in my life, it all goes wrong and I lose everything. As bitter as I sounded, I wasn’t going to let go so easily. No, I was going to fight.

Standing with the bouquet of roses in my hand, I waited for the vehicles to come to a stop so that I would be able to get to the other side without fear of death or injury. As a car came to a halt, I stepped one foot out onto the road only freeze mid-air as I caught the eye of the driver who seemed to avoid all eye contact with me. But it was evident that he had been staring at me for some while, silently sending me his condolences as if she was already gone. But she wasn’t, so I was still going to carry on fighting no matter what they said.

Pursing my lips as I glared at him, I crossed the road, carrying on with my little journey.

As I entered the building, I walked past the receptionist’s desk but didn’t stop for the room number for there was no reason to seeing as I came here so often now. The receptionist Clara gave me small smile as she noticed me pass by. Nodding my head, I greeted her silently before heading towards my destination, clutching tightly onto the flowers in my hand.

I didn’t feel tense here, not like how I did outside with everyone staring at me and thinking the same thing. People were more concerned about themselves and their relatives rather than wasting their time staring at a stranger who walked by.

Everyone here, they knew how it felt.

Sure, some people did look up to stare or to glance at me when I walked by, but they would normally just nod their head at me or even give me a small smile, a warming gesture knowing that I wasn’t the only one in this boat.

In here, things were just so much different than the outside world. Despite the fact that people here are battling continuously with their terminal illnesses and severe conditions, it was quite calm and peaceful here unlike the world outside. It was like some sort of dysfunctional family, one which welcomed every person with open arms.

A small ‘beep’ sound brought me out of my daze and reminded me of where I was going once I noticed that I had been standing in the same spot for a couple of minutes now. An elderly woman was standing before in one of the hospital wheelchairs, the ones with came with little horns to warn people that they were coming.