My Kind of Perfect

19th ツ

19th ツ

Feeling perplexed, I walked around the halls again. I was lost in thoughts as well as literally lost. I didn't know where I ended up, but I was glad that I was out of that empty balcony and somehow opened a door that led to the emergency stairs of the hotel.

Walking up the stairs, I reached the rooftop. I opened the door, and a gush of wind welcomed me. The place was practically empty, except for the helicopter sign. And up here, the wind was strong, but not enough to sway me. So I continued walking to the other end.

With so much drama tormenting my head.

The view was pleasant, but I hadn't completely appreciated everything. My mind was flooded about the things that I had done. I somehow admitted that I liked him... now. That was so stupid of me, like the most insane thing that I ever did all my life. If liking him back then was foolish, liking him now was like ten times even more foolish.

The great Kayla Wilson fell for that nerd—once nerd—two times, and had actually admitted both of it. My pride was hurt, definitely. And the worse thing was, he didn't feel the same way about me. It was all in the past for him. Now, there was no one to catch my fall. No certainty. I should have known better than admitting to it.

I hated it. I hated myself.

I had no idea how I should face him now, what would happen, how did he feel after all this, what would Dorothy say, what was right, what was wrong, how should I deal with all this, and the rest of the list. And seriously, above anything else, what had happened to me for someone like me to like someone like him? What was wrong with me? Was this wrong luck? Or was it a punishment from God? But for what?

And like always, the answers for all this was blank, like a new canvas that got nothing on it. Although now, I was a wreck. I couldn’t see deliverance in sight. The once flawless life that I had imagined was crumbled into shards and pieces all because of John.

The perfect Kayla Wilson had already lost her face–her one and only beautiful face. She was unemployed, entangled in a frightful mess, been dumped, continually being dumped, and finding her own ways to be dumped.

Taking a deep breath, I continued walking around, tracing my fingers on the waist-high wall of the rooftop. Leaning on the wall for a moment, I focused my gaze at the busy streets of Creeksburg. Everyone seemed to be living their lives, busying themselves with something and having a meaningful life of their own.

I envied them, seeing how my life had been an utter disaster from the start. That while I was busy trying to be perfect, I thought I’d find the answer. I still didn’t. Everything meant nothing. In reality, I had achieved nothing.

Everything was so wrong.

As I was looking down, I heard a voice call from behind—out of breath and distressed, “Kayla, let's talk it out. Don't do anything funny now.”

I blinked twice, thinking about what he said. There was so much worry and caution in his voice that it took me several moments before I realized what he was talking about. From where I stood, there could only be one reason why he was that troubled.

I couldn’t believe him.

I laughed to myself, realizing that he must have assumed that I would be jumping off this building. I was about to turn and maybe pacify his mind that I didn't have such delirious thoughts. But stopping me from doing such was my phone that was vibrating and casting off the spooky tone that I specifically picked for ‘evil’ Dorothy.

I picked it up, still sane enough to know that I couldn't go against her or ignore her calls. Despite what John and I were going through. The thing was, I tried doing it once, and trust me, the price for it was hefty. There was no way I’d ignore Dorothy again.