SOLOMON

CHAPTER 17

AYLA

Beep beep...beep beep...beep beep...

The most annoying and disappointing sound reached my ears. As soon as I heard that noise...I knew that I was in the calm darkness I was craving. I was still in the world where I had chains tying me down to this messed up reality. 

When I opened my eyes, they felt heavy. It was like I was resisting to even open my eyes because it just confirmed that my soul was still in a prison. 

Light seeped through my lids. I was in the typical hospital room. It was empty, except for the hunched over figure that was leaning on my bed. Solomon.

I breathed quietly and slowly moved away from him, hoping he wouldn't wake. I gulped as I looked down at my hands.

I felt guilty for doing what I did. It was selfish. I knew that it was a bad decision. I knew that I was only thinking of myself. But at the same time, I was so desperate for peace and safety. I am craving some kind of relief...and that was the only type that I knew. I didn't want to feel, I didn't want to deal with things. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted to be weak for once and for someone else to be strong for me. 

However, I knew that the decision I made was wrong. I couldn't take the easy way out. I couldn't do that to Milo. My heart hurt and I felt ashamed. I pressed my hand against my mouth to try and hold in a cry. I almost left my baby behind. I almost left Milo alone. He can't be alone because he's my baby. He is MY BABY...and I almost lost him. I took a deep breath. I won't do this ever again. I can't do that to Milo. I will live for him, even if I am miserable and have no desire to live...I will live for him.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I wasn't looking forward to my life. I wasn't looking forward to holding this crippled heart. My life won't be a good one...and it won't be an easy one. 

A sob escaped my mouth and I immediately held it shut with my hand. My body racked with silent cries. I didn't want to live. I wanted to die so badly.I never felt such a strong desire to die before. I pressed my other hand on my chest. I felt the gaping wound that had never healed...and it probably won't ever heal. It won't even scar because the wound will always be fresh, reminding me of every moment of pain that continues to torment me.

Solomon jerks awake. His eyes were bloodshot as they widen at the sight of my conscious state. He instantly sits up straight and leans forward. 

"Ayla," he whispers to himself, "H-how are you feeling? Do you feel any discomfort? I can get the healer or maybe even the nurse if you really want to?"

I sit silent and just shake my head. I gulped as I looked at Solomon. He looked like a mess. His hair was greasy and messy, he was pale with purple bags under his eyes. His had a little bit of stubble on his face too. 

"Where's Milo?" I asked quietly. 

"He's back at the pack house. I thought it would be best if he didn't see his mother like this." I nodded my head. It was probably best. I didn't want him to see me like this. 

We sat in silence for a long time. I guess there is just nothing to say really. He saw what happened to me, and he probably knows why. I didn't need to explain anything. 

I sighed, "You had never let me be happy before. You didn't like it when I smiled. And now...now you won't let me die. Why can't you just let me go."

Solomon shook his head, "I couldn't let you die...you're too important."

I shook my head and fell into silence. We were both silent for a while. 

But then a thought pressed into my mind, "If you didn't come in time...and I was already gone...what would you have told, Milo?"