Small Scars

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"What are you coloring?" Rick kneels down next to the young child who was laying on his stomach.

He jumps, shoving his tiny hands over the drawing. "Nothing!"

Rick reaches out and pulls the drawing out from under Andrews hands.

Most of the page was dark, etched with black crayon. There was a grey rectangle in the middle of the paper. There were vertical lines going across the grey box, almost like jail bars. 

In the smack dab middle of the paper was a stick figure. It was outlined in orange. 

There was a frown on the figures face, it was in a crouching position with it's hands on it's head. 

On the very far left of the page was an unfinished red blob that Andrew had been coloring.

"What's this?" Rick questioned.

Andrew shrugged, reaching back out for his paper.

"Who is the figure in the picture?" Rick asks.

"It's me." Andrew explained, fumbling with the red crayon in his hands. 

"Are you in jail?" Rick gently prods.

"No. I'm in the closet." Andrew explains.

"I see. And you're sad because you're in the closet?" Rick deduces.

"No. I'm sad because Pa shaved my hair off." Andrew explained. 

"Your father shaved your hair off?" Rick repeats.

"Yeah. He said that it was too long and that I got throw up in it." Andrew mumbled.

"Is that why you like your hair long?" Rick pieces together. 

"Amy liked my long hair." Andrew reaches up to touch the braid that Maggie had shown Glenn how to weave it into his hair.

"Who's watching you?" Rick adjusts his tie to his constable outfit. 

"Nobody. Everyone's got their jobs and I'm not allowed in school no more." Andrew starts coloring on a fresh sheet of paper.

"Why not?" Rick was confused. He hadn't heard of this. 

"'Cause the teacher yelled at me for not doing my work." Andrew shrugged.

"Why didn't you do your work?"

"I didn't understand it and no one would help me." Andrew shrugged. 

Rick sighed and stood up. "Why don't you join me on my rounds."

Andrew takes Rick's outstretched hand and follows him out the door.

Andrew takes Rick's outstretched hand and follows him out the door

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Denise was a very kind woman who offered to look after me. Her house was kinda empty, it was just her. She was funny and kind.

She told me that before the walkers, she was a psychologist. 

She said that she helped people who are hurting.

I told her about Beth hurting on the inside and how Andrea hurt too.

She gently explained to me what they were trying to do. 

Suicide.

She said that they probably felt helpless and were hurting from the losses that they had suffered. 

I had heard the word suicide before. 

Pa had said it when he was trying to take me to the looney bin. 

Denise was actually really easy to talk to. I felt like I could tell her anything. 

So I did. 

I started from as far back as I remember, trying to be quick but sometimes getting too into details.

She told me that they way my parents treated me was wrong. I shouldn't have been locked in a closet, or spanked or hit or had my head shaved or anything. That wasn't how parents treated their kids. 

I told her about the Governor and how he hurt me. 

I had a tiny scar on the crook of my elbow. It was from one of the needles that he used and it made a big bruise and a large bump on my arm before it faded to a small scar. 

I told her about Terminus and the cannibals.

I told her about the people in the forest.

I told her about all the people who I had lost. 

We made a list.

And it was really long.


Ed

Amy

Jim

Jaqui

Sophia

Dale

Shane

Jimmy

Patricia

T-dog

Lori

Axel

Andrea

Hershel

Bob

Beth

Tyreese

Noah


There were many more of people that I didn't know so well either.

I felt so free after I left.

Talking to Denise really made me feel better.


I didn't know that after I left she cried her eyes out.



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