How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

5.

I booked my flight out of Canada as fast as I could. Honestly, I had no idea what I was thinking. All I wanted was to wake up in a different place then I had been for most of my life. I guess Ireland was my answer.  

I grabbed my dad's old hiking backpack and filled it to the brim with everything I could possibly need. Clothes, a tooth brush, an extra pair of shoes, I believe that only covered the basics.

This hiking backpack probably hadn't been touched in over twenty years. The colour was fading, but it still seemed to be in good condition. It probably had a lot of stories to go along with it. I feel like Flint could think of a time when dad would use it every single weekend. 

When dad was still around, mom would always recall a time when they went on all these adventures. Climbing mountains or skydiving. 

I always found their stories hard to imagine. It seems that as soon as I showed up in the picture they just decided to become normal. You would think at this point that they would have stopped when Flint was born too, but no. They took him along for four years. He always said that he didn't remember much, but I have a feeling he just doesn't want me to feel jealous.

Dad always said that he was contempt with staying home on the weekend with all of us. Not to get me wrong, I loved spending time with him, but I wished that we could do something more exciting.

Well, I guess that's what I'm doing now, but without him or Flint or my mom. This is just an adventure I'm suppossed to go on alone. At least it seems that way.

It was quite early the next morning and I made sure I slipped out of the house without making too much noise. Mom was snoring when I left. I could tell she must have been dreaming about something nice. I wondered if me leaving like this would make her sad.

As I walked out the front door and locked it behind me, I hear the loudest honk behind me. Instantly, I dropped my keys on the porch! 

"Get in loser, we're going to the airport," I hear such a familiar voice say.

I could feel myself frowning my eyebrows as I slowly turn to see behind me.

"Flint you little.... ugh... poop!" I say through my clenched teeth.

From his old blue Mazda 3, Flint is laughing at the top of his lungs. On the slightest of feelings, I kind of wished he would explode for having scared me.

"That was too good," he tries to say through the laughter. "The way you curled up like a flamingo. Classic!"

I finally grab my keys off of the old rickety wood and make my way towards the car. Flint's window is rolled all the way down and I lean down to be at his height.

"Flamingo?" I ask.

"Yeah," he smiles, "you were all bunched up with just the one leg sticking out."

He tries to show me using his arms as he sits in the driver's seat. To me, he looked more like a chipmunk, especially with the sound he made. 

"Whatever," I shake my head as I make my way to the passenger seat. 

I pull my seatbelt across as I make myself comfortable for what was going to be a short ride. We were about a half hour from the airport.

I watched the street lights as we passed by them, the sky still dark, it made them look more like spotlights. It made me feel as if anyone could see what I was doing. It was sort of uncomfortable.

"You excited?" Flint says, pulling me out of a trance.

I look over at him, "Yeah, I'm excited. I think..."

"You think?" he questions.

I slouch in my seat as I exhale, "I'm kind of scare too."

"Well that's understandable," he says his eyes still on the road.

I didn't really know what to say back. I was being honest, I'm absolutely terrified at what I'm about to do and Flint is agreeing with me. It made sense in a normal conversation, but the Flint who used to live at home was always the kind of person who's ready to push me off the deep end and make fun of me when I inevitably fail and fall flat on my face. The Flint I've learned to know over the past year has been more supportive and cheery. It still catches me off-guard sometimes.

"It's understandable," he repeats, "you're doing something completely new and out of your comfort zone."

I still said nothing. All I could think of was how much we have both changed over the past few years. 

"Are you okay Claire?" Flint looks at me quickly, somewhat concerned.

"I'm okay." I finally say.

He still had a look of worry on his face, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. Listen, if I was too pushy you can tell  me, I don't want you to do something you're not ready for."

"No, no, you didn't push me past my breaking point," I tell him.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

I give him a little smile, "I'll be fine. I bet once I get over there I won't ever want to come home."

"Cool," he says happily, "can I have your pink swivel chair?"

"I'm coming back, you doofus! I'm not dying." I declare.

And that's the brother I grew up with. The one who always tried to get something off of you. Thank god I always said no, because he would have been considered a hoarder by now.

The next thing I know, we pull up to the entrance of the airport.

Inside, I felt like I was about to say goodbye to everything I had ever known. I know I'm coming back, but on that slight chance I never do, it made me feel kind of sad.

Flint opens my door and has dad's hiking backpack in his other hand. Slowly, I step out.

"You ready to go?" he looks at me as if he's dropping me off for my first day of university.

And like the Flint I know, he shoves me the backpack.

"Thanks," I say.

He looks like he's confused or maybe thinking, I knew he had something on his mind.

"What?" I question.

"I don't know," he starts, "I feel like I should give you a hug or something."

Weird.

"No," I state blatantly. 

He shrugs his shoulders, "At least I tried."

Flint turns and makes his way back to the driver's side of his car.

"Bye flamingo," he says.

"Thanks for the ride potato." I wave.

And now here I am about to walk through the doors that will take me on a journey... hopefully.