How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

14.

Aileen had only been here a matter of minutes, but I was starting to see that I was probably intruding on something that had been going on a lot longer than the time I've spent here. I watched her as she would lay a hand on his arm and I couldn't tell if it was intentional or not, but her body language made me believe that she deeply cared for Jack.

"So how do you two know each other?" I ask although they were clearly in conversation with each other.

"Oh yeah," Aileen starts, "my brother is his best mate."

"Yeah," Jack continues on, "we met in first grade. He pushed me off the swing and I ended up with a cut on my chin. Of course, I got up and pushed him back. We kind of went on like that for a while, but eventually, we got to a point where we would talk to each other while we were fighting."

My head titled slightly, I questioned how no one ever caught them. "So you never got caught?"

"Of course they did." Aileen butts in, "They probably spent most of that year writing each other apology lettres."

"I've still got a few of them," he replies.

I had a feeling there was a little more than just that. "And did you keep count?"

"Yep. And I don't like bragging, but I totally won," he says.

It wasn't surprising to me that he did that, he has the impression of a person who would.

Although I was just trying to make conversation, I really wanted to know if there was more to their relationship. Simply, I just wanted to know if they were dating.

I wasn't really jealous, at least I don't think so.

"So Aileen, what do you do for work?" I ask.

She smiles, "Well, I decided to take a year or two off after high school. So currently I work at the local shop. It also allows me to take care of this guy. You would think that Jack would have a survival instinct, but I don't even think he would survive a zombie apocalypse at this point."

I'm not sure what I was expecting by asking that question, but her words made it feel as if they were much closer than I thought. They must have some sort of romantic connection, even if they don't see it themselves. Just by the way they look so comfortable with each other, I knew that I couldn't be wrong.

In a moment, Aileen would ask me the same question and I would tell her everything that had happened so far. And, the rest of our conversation would be made up of this small talk.

It's a few hours later and now it was just Jack and I. Aileen had to go catch her shift at work.

"My mate," Jack starts, "Aileen's brother, he's probably more of an expert at fixing the roof. I think I'll give him a ring tomorrow."

He hands me a hot mug filled with tea and I can feel my hands warm up. The rain had made the air cold and damp and the warmth was much appreciated.

"My dad would be able to fix it in no time," I tell him.

"If that's true, I would love to meet him," he says back, grabbing his own cup of tea.

I don't know what to tell him at that. I talk about my dad so much like he's still here, yet I know he's not really here. He never will be. He was pretty much my best friend and losing him destroyed me, and acting like he's still here just makes the loneliness go away.

"Claire?" he sounds softly concerned. "Why are you crying?"

Jack kneels down and looks up at me.

I can feel the tears leaving a trail down my cheeks and my heart falling towards the floor. This void, I can feel it surrounding everything around me and at the moment I just want to fade away.

And I feel like I'm falling forever, but it's only stopped by a touch. The passing of a thumb wiping my tears away. His hand comforting my broken soul.

"I'm sorry," Jack says, "I didn't realize."

"It's okay," I let out.

We don't move or say anything else for a minute, but his presence makes me calm.

I always find it hard to talk about the day my dad died, but I knew that Jack needed to know.

"It was an accident," I tell him regaining my breath. "He was hit by a car while walking to work one morning."

He tries to comfort me, "I'm so sorry Claire."

"He was my best friend, and there's so many things I wanted to do with him," I say.

Jack doesn't say anything, but he stays and listens to me.

I'm able to crack a small grin as I wipe more of my tears away.

"You know, it's super cliché, but I always thought that he would walk me down the aisle one day and we would dance together. And I'd see him when we would go over for supper on the weekends."

I wasn't even done with what I had imagined the future to be like, but it's no use to think about it anymore.

I decide to stand up and I watch Jack mirror my movements.

He places a hand on my shoulder, "You can still have that, you can have everything you've ever wanted. He may not be standing beside you, but he's definitely watching over you."

"I'm not sure if I ever believed in that kind of stuff," I reply, "but somehow in a way you're kind of right."

"I am?" he asks.

I look at him, "Yeah, he left me and my brother a lot of money. I guess he had made secret savings accounts for me and my brother, he didn't even tell my mom, but it's because of him that I'm able to come all the way here."

"He's amazing," he says.

"Definitely," I add.

Jack wasn't done, "He made you such an incredible person."

How could he be so nice? How can I ever be the incredible person he thinks I am? He surely thought too highly of me, but it didn't stop me from wrapping my arms around him.