How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

40.

If my life was defined by one sentence, it would be "she never got the last word." I never do, not even now.

All I wanted was to give Tess my answer, but I couldn't even do that once the living room lights turned on. And I knew that I wasn't responsible for that, because the light switch was down near Chase's room.

With the light piercing through to my eyes, I turn to look behind me and see Chase standing there in his door frame rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"You guys are loud," he says drowsily.

I wasn't sure if I should say something back, whether it was to say sorry or ask him if I could stay, but he managed to take the words right out of my mouth.

One step at a time, he walks closer, "You can stay Claire."

Tess, who was now fixed behind me, smiles, it was like her wish on a shooting star had finally come true.

Me on the other hand, I was sort of shocked, but at the same time, I wasn't. Chase was never the kind of person to say no to a friend, even if he deep down hoped things could just be simpler, easier.

"I could never say no to you," he takes my right hand, "not when I see how happy you are beside Tess."

"Thanks," I reply, not sure what else to say.

"Plus," he goes on sarcastically, "I'm not prepared to watch someone ugly cry at two in the morning."

He's always known what to say to make me laugh, almost like Flint or... my dad.

For a second, I thought I might actually start to cry, in part to see Chase's reaction, but also because I was happy, I was so so so happy.

I didn't know what to do next. Possibly, I would just drop my bag right then and there, or I would turn back to Tess and kiss her again, but I do none of those. Instead, Chase pulls me into a hug, and Tess wraps her arms over his.

"Now you're actually going to make me cry," I say through the muffledness of their shirts.

I can hear them laugh, but of course, Chase couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"No not the ugly cry!" he shouts out.

By now I had at least a couple of tears running down my cheeks and when they finally released me from their grip I quickly tried wiping them away.

Chase, on an instant, has this serious face, yet he still seems joyful in a way, with the corner of his lips grinning.

"You can stay," he says. "I just wanted to make sure it was clear."

Listening to him repeat himself was reassuring, it made it clear to me that this wasn't a dream. And although, deep down, I was still scared as hell, I was just glad that I could finally stop running, maybe not from everything, but I had a place to call home again.

All of this made me wonder if my mother would ever let me come home again. She didn't really throw me out in the first place, but it just felt like I wasn't welcome anymore or at the very least I should just stay away for a while. I knew that there was a chance it would make everything much worse than it already was, yet it brought me some comfort knowing that I was probably poking a stick at their fun, even if that's not exactly what they would call it. Putting things short it's clear that we're all mad at each other.

When I finally woke up again at eight in the morning, I had my arm wrapped around Tess's waist and my head on her chest. We laid in her bed as the sun only started to peak through the sheer curtains that hung over the only window in the room. She looked like a goddess all cloaked in sunlight, even when she slept. I hoped that I could keep this moment as a memory forever, down to the last detail. Her dark curls spread across her pillow and the way her lips curled up when she seemed to be dreaming about something probably amazing.

I barely moved an inch for the next half hour before she woke up. I almost could have fallen asleep all over if she hadn't started whispering to me.

"Are you awake?" she asks.

I tilt my head up to look at her she smiles back down at me.

"I'm glad you stayed," she says.

And for the one-hundredth time since the middle of the night, I thought of kissing her without a second thought. I thought of grabbing her by the hand, the way she did my heart, and showing her the world, somewhere far away from here. Maybe past the equator, as far down as New Zealand.

"I am too," I reply to her.

Tess's right hand slowly falls down to my head where she plays with a lock of my hair.

"You're beautiful," I tell her.

"And you're complicatedly wonderful," she says slowly sitting up.

Instantly, I follow her lead and sit, with my back slightly twisted, to be facing her.

She brings her hand up to my chin and I clearly watch every move her mouth makes, taking in everything she says.

For a split second in time, she bites her bottom lip, "I want to take you on a date."

"A date?" I question.

"Yeah," she replies, letting go of my chin, "you're staying now, so I want to take you on a date."

"As long as it's not that café," I say.

She laughs, almost like the flutter of a butterfly, "I promise I won't take you there."

I giggle along with her, but much less gracefully, "Ok then, it's a date."

I would obviously plan something, but I have very little clue about what we could do here in Sudbury, it's not like I'm here every day. Now, I guess I'll be here for a while, so I better start exploring, but not just yet.

Not before I kiss Tess one last time.