Damaged

1. Never looking back

"This is Angel," Bones greeted, waiting for me to shake the strangers hands. His fingers slid off mine within seconds from sweat. He motioned for him to enter the unoccupied room, closing the motel door behind him. I tired my hardest not to gag at the thought of him touching my body.

Bones was a tall light skinned man with curly brown hair. If he weren't constantly taking his own cocaine, he wouldn't be half bad looked. That's why I didn't mess with that stuff, I didn't want to end up looking like where I came from.

"I'm done for the day, I told you that." I spat, my anger getting the best of me.

"One more. Just one," Bones pleaded with me. "He said he will pay extra... for extra." he winked. I bit my lip at the awful things I wanted to say to him, but instead shook my head.

"Stop being spoiled. We need this." He fumed as his arms flung in the air.

"Then you go suck him off... You let him slip his dick in your ass."
He shook his head at me, irritated. "You're hungry, right? Is this why you're acting like this?" He pulled his keys out of his pocket and handed it to me. "I forgot to grab you something on my way to pick him up," he recalled.

I snatched the keys from his fingers and sighed drastically. Before I could head to the car, he grabbed my arm tightly. "Where's the money?"

"What money?" I retorted through my teeth.

"Don't play games Angel. I need this to pay Julio back for the goods."

"Then where is the money from what you've sold?" I grabbed my arm from his hold and stormed off to the half dead Corolla in heels, flipping the switch.

"I'm going to let you cool off. 20 minutes, okay Angel?" he called as I spun the car in reverse, driving away from the musty motel building I've been stranded at for 7 hours.

I wasn't sure if I was hungry, or if I simply didn't want this anymore. Tears rolled down my cheeks, as I thought about my future once more, nothing coming to mind. This wasn't how I pictured myself a few years ago. I pulled the black wig off my scalp and wiped the cheap lipstick off my lips with the back of my head.

I pushed the rear-view mirror away from my sight and pressed the gas pedal harder, running a red light. Nothing mattered anymore; I was feeling empty as usual. My anxiety rolled up my throat to the cracks in my jaw, forcing them to tremble as my silent moans escalated to hyperventilation.

I was having another panic attack, yet this time felt more unbearable than the last. I pulled up at the apartment building, parking at the back to avoid the crowd that always lingered at the steps.

I waited until my fingers stopped shaking before pulling a hoodie from the back over my exposed chest and ran out of the car.

"Whore," someone coughed under his breath as I pushed passed.

I ignored the slander simply because it wasn't a lie, and because I was too shaken up to get into a verbal altercation with money in my bra.

When I got into the apartment, I stomped on the broken board until it popped out. I grabbed my tin can full of money and began to count how much I earned today sucking men off.

A loud bang startled me and I jumped, dropping the tin on the floor.

"Open the fucking door, bitch." Came an angry voice.

I stooped down to collect the scattered bills, my fingers shaking.

"Where's my money? He told me you had it. It's been three days." Julio banged on the door again with something that sounded like a gun. "I'm going to count to ten..." the banging stopped, and my legs took off.

I slipped my feet into a pair of boots and grabbed a pile of my clothes on the floor, shoving them into a plastic bag. Before he got to three, I was half way out the fire escape and down the stairs. There had to be some place better for me out there.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I hopped into the corolla and drove as fast as it could carry me. My anxiety had me paranoid, not allowing me to stop. I didn't know where I was headed, but I was never looking back.

Hours later, the gaslight began to blink. I was surprised it had lasted so long, and my eyes stayed open this far, but my adrenaline was pumping.

I pulled up at a little restaurant off the side of the road. I would rest my eyes for a few hours until daylight, fill up, and then start driving again.

I pulled a few clothes out the bag in the back seat and entered the washroom. I cleaned my skin as best as I could and then changed into decent enough clothing. They weren't the cleanest, but they were presentable. I pulled out the pins that held my extensions in enough to allow me to wear wigs.

I washed my face, staring at the girl in the mirror, tears running down my cheeks again. All I saw was a dark skinned girl that never accomplished anything.

Maybe I should head back.

Give Julio the money, and work a few hours at the strip joint to get it back.

Bones was all I had as family, where would I go?

I sat in a booth in the back and rested my head on the table until I was no longer heaving from stress, and my body relaxed. I was not sure if I slept, but the sun had come up.

I felt a hand of my shoulder and I jumped, turning to look up. It was an older man, his eyes wide as if I startled him. "Are you okay, darlin'?" he asked with his southern accent.

I shook my head, looking around franticly taking in my surrounding. "What time is it?"

"Just after 9. Are you lost?"

"No," my throat was burned from dryness. I shielded my eyes away from the sun and stood up, deciding that maybe it was time to head back.

"Would you like something to drink?" he offered. He waddled over to the table beside mine and poured a glass of water into an empty cup. I was too dehydrated to say no, so I nodded thanks, and finished the water in one gulp. He poured another glass but I refused.

"I got to get going." I replied.

"Where yah headed?" He questioned with a smile. "Do you need a ride?" he seemed genuinely worried, but didn't want it to come off that way. "I'm headed to the big city. I'm getting too old to live alone." He took a seat beside me, resting his legs.

"Nonsense, you don't look a day over 50." I laughed politely, warming up to him.

"You're too kind." he looked at me before smiling widely. "Hey, you wouldn't be interested in buying my house would you?"

I snorted in response. "I barely have enough for a full tank."

Within seconds he began to scribble on a piece of napkin. "I can't seem to find anyone to sell it to. It's not much. It needs a lot of work, but you seem like you can use a place to sleep."

"No really," I was panicking again, not sure what to do. "I can't afford it."

"How much you got?" he questioned. I thought about it. Was this man really going to sell me his house? What if it was in the middle of nowhere?

Even better.

"One hundred." I uttered sarcastically.

"Sold." He slapped the piece of paper into my hand and smiled.

"You're kidding." I gasped.

"Trust me, you're doing me a favour. I had given up."

I pulled the bills from my bra and handed him five crumbled 20's.

He began to give me directions on how to get there, handing over the keys to the door.