She had spent the last half hour pacing around her and Bill's cottage in Sweden, waiting for him to return home from grocery shopping. It was eating her up, she was desperate to tell him, yet she almost feared what he would say; they were not trying for a child.
Finally she got tired of walking around the brightly lit, marbled living room and decided to sit on the leather sofa. However, she could not be still, tapping her foot and twisting her fingers together. She began to think, 'What if he didn't want a child? It was coming out in just under two weeks and he was surely going to be signed for more movies once people had seen how incredible he was as the demotic clown. He was just at the beginning of his career, one that could go on for years. It would be unfair to hinder him... he wouldn't wan this' She kept on with these fearful thoughts until the sound of the wooden door opening snapped her back into reality.
She could hear the shuffle of his loafers in the kitchen, the sound of crinkling plastic as he set the bags down on the counter.
"Hey Babe." He called, tone so nonchalant it made her even more nervous.
He began to put the food that would last them for the next five days into the fridge.
"Bill?" She said quietly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear her.
"Yeah?" His voice came from the kitchen.
She sat frozen on the couch, legs crossed and a knitted, white blanket around her shoulders. Suddenly, she did not want to tell him.
"Babe?"
Her eyes snapped up, finding Bill standing in the doorframe. He was donning a black, wool jacket, dark jeans, russet coloured loafers and a confused expression.
She sank back against the supple fabric, then met Bill's gaze. "I need to speak with you." She announced cautiously.
He nodded, pale eyes filled with concern and he shrugged off his coat. Placing it on the table, he walked over to the couch she was sitting on.
Night had begun to fall, the once bright blue sky suddenly darker and painted with large streaks of burnt orange and small strokes of pale purple. The massive window in the room looked over the lake and gardens, both of which moved with the soft evening wind.
He took a seat beside her and she slowly turned towards him, pulling her legs into her chest. She was bracing herself for the worst.
"Are you alright?" He wondered.
She nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just..." She looked out the window, unable to bear the sight of his worried face. She took in the slowly lapping waves before speaking. "I love you." She promised, tearing her eyes away from the outdoors and back to her boyfriend.
He took her small hand in his large one. "You can tell me anything okay? I love you too." He assured her.
"Bill," She took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."
Her whole body went stiff.
His pouty lips cracked into a wide smile and he pulled his lover into an embrace. It took her by surprise, her eyes were wide when he first hugged her, then went calm when she realized he was truly happy.
"I love you." He breathed, lips near her ear. "I love you so fucking much, babe. You and our baby." He finished.
She threw her arms around his neck and clung to him. "Are you sure it's alright? I mean, we weren't planning for this and your career is just starting to really take off... I don't want to jeopardize your future." She explained.
He pulled back and took her face into his hands. "You will never been an inconvenience to me. I swear it." He promised her, his voice deep and passionate.
She believed him by his tone and way his pale green eyes darkened as he stared at her. It was then that it hit her, they were going to have a baby.
"Hey- Babe," He soothed when he saw her eyes gloss over, "what's wrong?"
Her rosy lips broke into a smile, tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. "No, no, it's just..." She looked into his eyes, "We're actually doing this."
He grinned back once he realized she was okay.
"We're doing this."
Five months had passed since Bill found out about her pregnancy and it had been one and a half months since he had seen her last. He hated leaving her for a month and a half to shoot a film, but she assured him she would be fine. It turned out she was fine, everything was going perfectly well with the pregnancy. Yet she was terrified for him to return.
She stood under the rainfall shower head, letting the lukewarm water cascade down her bare body. Bill was to be home in a week; she missed him dearly.
After her shower, she stood in the grand closet, grabbing a oversized flannel and sweatpants for the evening.
She dropped the fire red, silk robe Bill had bought her in Paris a year back and she caught her reflection in the rectangular floor to ceiling mirror placed beside her shoe collection. Her mouth dropped.
The first few months did not have much affect on her appearance, sure, she looked slightly bigger, but it was nothing incredibly noticeable. So when she took at the reflection, her heart sunk.
Immediately her mind went to her boyfriend, he had never seen her so large before. She wasn't daft, obviously she would get bigger; she was growing a child inside of her, but Bill had left when she had just hit three and a half months. The idea that he would think she was ugly plagued her thoughts. There were so many stories on the internet and news about men who had left, cheated or refused to sleep with their partner because they were 'fat.' Bill wasn't like those cruel men, he would never do something like that to her. Despite that comforting knowledge, she still felt like shit.
The front door opened and she heard the thump of his bags on the hardwood floor.
"Hey, Y/N. I'm home!" He called.
"I'm in the living room, Babe." She replied, snuggling deeper into the soft blanket.
He strode down the hall and into the living room, smiling at the sight of her curled up on the sofa.
"How are you feeling?" He wondered.
She smiled, "Everything's going well."
He knelt down and hand his large hand through her fine hair. "Do you have an Ultrasound soon?" He asked.
"A week fews." She said easily, yet felt so relieved. She was wearing an incredibly large sweatshirt over her black joggers, so he couldn't see the difference.
He pressed his lips to her forehead and gave her a chaste kiss before standing, "Alright. Are you hungry? I can make stir fry soon if you'd like."
She gave him a small smile, he really was a great boyfriend. "Yes, thank you." She responded.
He headed off to the kitchen.
They had always taken showers together with the exception of the days Bill had to get up at the crack of dawn to shoot scenes for a movie.
She did not want to shower with him anymore.
He found her in a bubble bath one night, orange candles being the only source of light in the room. Her eyes snapped open at the sound of the bathroom door opening.
"I thought you went out." She said, a bit too quickly.
He watched as she sank further into the bubbles, leaning her head against the smooth porcelain tub.
"I was supposed to meet Alex but I didn't want to leave you." He explained.
He moved to the vanity and leaned against the counter, hands holding the granite.
"You should go. I'm fine here." She said, trying to sound encouraging.
He shook his head. "What's going on, Babe? You've been... distant ever since I got back." He confessed.
"No, everything is fine Bill. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." She apologized.
He sighed and sauntered across the bathroom until he reached the tub where he knelt down onto his knees. Her breath hitched in her throat as he reached his hand out to stroke her neck, moving down to her collarbone. Never had she felt uncomfortable when he touch her. In fact, it was quite the opposite; the feeling of his hands all over her body was something she used to crave. He made her feel good.
But when his hand slipped below the water, she immediately pulled away from him. She couldn't look into his eyes, knowing they would be filled with worry and confusion.
"Babe..." He said softly.
He definitely knew something was up now.
Her back was pressed against the opposite side of the tub, hands gripping the porcelain on either side of her and her the tops of her slightly larger breasts were exposed. Her breathing was heavy.
"Please tell me what's going on." He pleaded.
She could hear the desperation in his voice and she knew it was unfair to keep him in the dark about what she was going through.
"Why won't you let me touch you?"
She lifted her eyes to meet his, chest still rising and falling quicker than usual.
His heart broke at the sight of her.
"I just want to be alone." She whispered, breaking contact with him.
He knew that she wanted her space, she had completely shut him out.
She woke in an instant when she felt movement in her stomach. Immediately, she sat up in bed, her breaths turning laboured and hand clutching her large belly.
Beside her, Bill opened his eyes at the commotion. When he saw her sitting up, he threw the sheets back and rose, watching her with concern.
"What's wrong?" He asked quickly.
Her eyes widened when she understood it was their baby kicking.
"No- nothing! Bill they're kicking!" She exclaimed, dramatically relieved.
He let out a deep breath.
"Can I?" He asked softly.
Her wide smile dropped as she looked at him.
"Please tell me."
She sighed and took his hand in her right hand, with the other she pulled her red and black flannel above her stomach and placed it on her large bump.
He understood.
"You're beautiful." He leaned down to kiss her stomach. "You're absolutely stunning." He promised her.
She ran her fingers in his messy brown hair, combing through the small tangles. He sat up and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her passionately.
He loved her, no matter what.
