Until Mia (Until Series #1)

Chapter Twenty-Two

     I wasn't a strong person.
     Even through my darkest times I was able to keep pushing, keep fighting. But I couldn't this time.      There was no fight in me left. There was nothing but emptiness and pain.
     Days passed, I'm not sure how many, but I refused to leave my room. Celine and Layla did their best to get me to leave, even if it was just to go down the hall, but all their effort was pointless.
    I stare through the darkness that surrounds me, taking in the bare walls that was once covered with his posters. Layla took them down the day he left.    She didn't say his name and she didn't listen to his music anymore. It was almost as if he was dead to her too.
     Somewhere in the darkness there's a knock on the door. It's Celine or Layla. It's always one of them. I know they mean well but I just want to be left alone. I just wanted to deal with the emptiness that his absence caused, revel in the pain that consumes me without him here with me.
     There's a knock again then the door is opening, light from the hall peeks its way inside before a familiar figure does. He stands in the doorway, all six feet of him dressed in a black shirt that stretches across his chest and a pair of faded jeans. His hazel eyes meet mine from across the room and his lips press together disapprovingly before he crosses the floor and joins me on my bed.
     Cade pulls me into his arms and I willingly go to him, settling on his lap and cry. He doesn't try to speak, instead he holds me close and rubs my back and his silence was the best thing I didn't know I needed.
    When my sobs turned to whimpers, I slowly pull out of Cade's arm and stare up at him. He was here. He didn't leave. Even after I crushed his heart he was here with me, trying to bring me into the light.
     "Mia," He says my name carefully, as if the sound of his voice might break me. "You need to eat baby girl."
     I shake my head. "I'm not hungry."
     Cade exhales before squeezing my hand. "You need to eat. It's been five days."
     I shake my head again. "I said I'm not hungry."
     "Okay. How about a shower then huh? Can you do that for me?" He pleads in a gentle tone.
     "I don't want to move."
     "I'll be right here when you get back." Cade tells me.
"Promise?"
"Promise." The corners of his mouth lifts into a smile and I believe him.
     "Okay." I fling the covers off of me and scoot off of the bed. The bones in my body feel stiff and walking feels foreign. I look back at Cade when I reach the bathroom and he gives me two thumbs up with a cheeky smile, making me laugh. The sound was foreign to my ears. I can't remember the last time I laughed.  It feels good.
    Cade is sitting right where I left him when I return. I see he laid out a change of clothes for me to wear and he stands up when I walk into the room.
     "I'll uh, go wait outside." He starts to leave but I stop him.
     "No, it's fine. I'll change in the bathroom." I tell him before taking the clothes with me and disappearing into the bathroom once again. It only takes me a minute to change into the shorts and top Cade picked out for me before I walk back into my room.
     "How do you feel?" Cade questions and I smile in response. "Come here." He orders and I stand there, unsure. "I'm not gonna bite." He jokes and I relax before walking over to him. "You need to eat." He tries again, pushing a plate of fudge cookies that I hadn't noticed he had with him towards me.
     "I'm not hungry Cade." I try again. Why did he care so much if I ate or not?
     "So?" He raises a brow at me the same time he picks up a cookie off the plate. "It's fucking chocolate. Who needs a reason to eat chocolate?"    Cade asks with a mouthful of cookie.
     "Aren't you supposed to get me to eat something healthy?" I giggle, picking up a cookie.
     "Fuck that. Food is food." Cade takes another bite, making me laugh.
     "I miss you." I admit.
     Cade finishes swallowing before replying. "I would've came sooner if I knew."
     "I'm not your concern." I say, looking down at my lap.
     "Yes you are." He corrects me. "You're my friend. And as long as you need me to be that's what I'll be."
     "Thank you." I feel my throat tightens and for once it's not because I was fighting back tears. "You know what I want right now more than anything Cade?" I pause.
     "What?" Cade edges out of his seat, ready to bring me the world if that was what I wanted.
     "Milk."

                                              ***

     For more than a week Cade has been at my side, making sure that I was eating, that I left the house and got some fresh air. He even took a semester off of school to stay by my side. It was more than he should have done and I told him he didn't have to do it, that I was better, but he ignored me and told me that I was more important. I selfishly needed him here with me so I didn't complain about it again.
    Some days are good. Layla and I would cook breakfast together before she'd go off with a friend for the rest of the afternoon. Cade would show up and he'd make me lunch and we'd spend the rest of the day at the beach or the park depending on the weather. Cade made sure I was busy so there was no time to think about him.
     But then some days were bad. I would wake up and for a one blissful second I would forget. None of it happened. Drew didn't leave. He had stayed and fought for us. But then I would remember and never wanted to leave my bed. But I had to be okay. Everyone expected me to be. So I smiled and joked around. Said I'm okay until I started to believe it myself. Those days were the hardest though. They were days where I didn't want to smile or pretend.
     Days where I didn't want to feel.
     Today was one of those days.
    Layla was out. Off to the movies or mall- I don't know. I didn't really pay attention to the details. All that mattered was that I would have the house to myself for a little while until Cade showed up. Celine was here somewhere, or maybe she wasn't. She stopped caring the the day after and went back to her old ways. I should care, should try to get her to stop but for once Celine was actually useful.
    I stare at the open bottle of Balkan 176 Vodka that I stole from Celine's closet. She probably thought she hid it really well but she's been hiding and failing for years. I knew all of her hiding spots so finding it was easy.
     Somewhere inside my brain there's a voice screaming no as I lift the bottle and bring it up to my lips. All of my self-control, all of my reasoning goes out the door the second I let myself remember.
     The day we first met.
"I would say I would like it if we were friends but something tells me no guy can ever be just friends with you."
     Gulp.
     It tastes bitter and my chest burns after I swallow.
    The first time we spent alone together.
     "Sorry. I just forgot there's actually people out there who doesn't know everything about me."
     Gulp.
    The first time we kissed.
     "I was wrong," I say when I finally get my breathing in check. Drew cocks his head towards me, one eyebrow raised. "You can handle me."
     Gulp.
     The room started to spin the same time my vision gets distorted. I don't feel the burn in my chest anymore.
     I don't feel anything at all.
    V"Mia? Where-" Celine begins to shout but stops mid-question when she sees me on the floor. "Mia!"    She breaks out into a run towards me, her heels clicking and clacking loudly on the tile floor. "What did you do?" She's at my side in seconds, crouching on the ground next to me.
     "I tried to be strong momma, I really did." I cry.
     "Did you drink this whole bottle?" Celine asks incredulously as she picks up the now empty bottle of vodka.
     "Would you have preferred I drink two like you?" I giggle, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.
     "Why would you do this to yourself?"
     "I just wanted the pain to stop momma." I confess. "It hurts, I hurt all the time. I need him... make the pain stop please!" I sob.
     "Now you stop all that crying! I didn't raise you to be one of those girls that think they can't live without a man. You don't need him, ya hear me?" Celine yelling at me is the last thing I hear before sounds blur away and everything goes black.