Refuge

Chapter 29

Mature - ( a little) Read at your own RISK !

*Ella*

My heart probably stopped for a minute before I accepted the fact this was real.

Josh was still pushed up against my chest as I remained holding him, yet loosely now.

"What?" I whispered so lightly that I almost couldn't hear myself.

Josh gulped and didn't repeat himself, knowing I heard loud and clear.

I wiggled him away lightly and stood up, walking away.

"Ella" Josh called.

I looked back at him as he sat on his knees, shirtless and in tears.

I looked at him for several minutes, both speechless.

"I don't know what to do" Josh gulped, finally breaking the silence.

"Why, Josh?" I simply asked.

"I don't know" he looked down, twiddling his fingers ahead of him.
"Loving you was never an option. I always end up here on good and bad days. I let you leave for a year but I never really did. I spent nights watching you from across the street and days watching you from far"

I gulped.
Everything was all over the place.
What is going on?

Josh stood up and walked over towards me. He grabbed my hands and placed them by his lips, softly kissing them. "It's killing me. All these feelings and the pain, it hurts. It hurts more then what my father had ever done to me"

I parted my lips to speak but I was speechless.

"It hurts to know you're my weakness, Ella"

"Why now, Josh?"

"Because I wanted to change first into the man you deserve before telling you how I feel. But I'm struggling and every time I tend to fuck shit up I find myself covered in fear...fear that I'm losing you rather then getting you"

I wish he had told me before, way before I had began to slowly ruin him.
It was too late, I had already started.

"Ella" Josh placed his hands on either side of my face "Ella" he repeated, knowing he was just as speechless as me.

My lips curled before I licked them and bit my bottom lip. My eyebrows frowning so deeply, shielding my eyes.
"Please don't" I whispered with blurry eyes and a trembling voice "Please don't love me" I finally said with a knife to my heart.

I wanted to break the heartless man who broke me, not the child who loves me.

Josh shook his head "Don't say that" he said, rubbing beneath my eyes as a tear dropped. "Please don't"

I gulped and sniffed with a little cough, "It's too late now" I honestly admitted as I thought about my plan.

I wish I could stop and just love him now. Yet the anger inside of me and the wild fire hasn't rested yet. Ever since I left his mansion I would oath myself everyday for revenge.
I can't turn down for three words.

Josh grabbed the side of my face and kissed me passionately. His lips rubbed against mine as his hand wrapped the side of my face. "You can't leave" he whispered in-between the kiss "You can't"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me, allowing my legs to wrap around him.
My arms hugged him tight as I rested my head against his shoulder and he walked towards my room.