Refuge

Chapter 35

*Josh*

I didn't know what was worse, the fact nobody was telling me anything about Ella or the fact she woke up hating me for unknown reasons.

"I've known Ella for like two years, just tell me if she's okay and why she's even here?" I tried repeating myself for the hundredth time.

"I'm sorry Sir, but due to patients confidentiality, we can't share anything with you"

"I-" I took a deep breath, keeping myself together before attempting to burn this hospital down. "Fine, move" I shoved the Nurse.
I walked over towards Ella's room and entered, standing by her bed before Nicolas called me from behind.

"What is it Nicolas?" I said, looking down at Ella lay there so peacefully yet so...damaged.

"Sylvester wants to close on the new deal, your needed down at the office"

I sighed "Can't anything be done without me there?" I said, turning around to face Nicolas.

"I can stay here with Ella. After all she did keep me together at my worst" Nicolas walked over towards me "And I never got to pay her back"

"Tell Sylvester to bring me the papers and I'll sign them here and close the deal here"

"Sylvester-"

"Nicolas" I hissed "I'm not leaving"

"She's safe"

"She's safe" I nodded, looking deep into his eyes as he stood a few steps away. "But as long as I'm here I doubt Jack would come see her"

Nicolas smirked lightly and then licked his smirk away "Right"

"What?"

"You're guarding her, not because you're afraid she'll wake up and jump out of this third floor window but because you're jealous Jack might come give her a little pat"

I sighed and groaned in such anger "No"

"Then?"

"It doesn't concern you. Get what I said done"

"Fine" Nicolas walked away.

"Nicolas"

"What?"

"When you're done, I want you to go to Ella's place"

"Why?"

"Check for anything suspicious without making it suspicious that your clumsy self was there"

Nicolas sighed "Since I'm so clumsy, order someone else"

"Nick"

"Fine" he groaned "Fine"

As Nicolas left, I watched as the room door shut before taking a seat beside Ella. I ran my hand along her arm and intertwined her fingers within mine, holding her tight.

I wasn't sure if I was reassuring her that I was here, or maybe I was just so scared I'd lose sense of her touch sometime soon.

"I'm so good at apologising when you're unconscious" I chuckled to myself "Funny huh?"
I looked at her lay there so peaceful like a damaged black petal trying to re-grow amongst the fresh ones.
"Maybe I'm just afraid of saying the wrong things when you're awake, afraid you'll walk out that door and never want to hear from me again...or maybe I'm just better off expressing my feelings to a wall"
I rubbed her hand with my thumb, gawking at her sleep.
"What is the definition of love, Ella?" I asked, as if she could hear. "Everyone tells me love is a beautiful feeling, to have attention, to have affection and a soulmate. How come nobody talks about the dark side of it?"

I leaned back in the chair and left my fingers within hers "You know the dark side of thoughts like maybe the person you're in love with becomes the air you breathe, that if love between you ends...so do you. Maybe like the persons tender words is what brings you life and their sour words is what will kill you a thousand times"
I laughed at myself, stupidly talking about something I had no idea about.
Except for the fact, I was willing to sacrifice myself for a girl who was once unknown.
How and why and when did I have such feelings for such a broken yet soft girl.

"Or maybe I just love you but I'm scared" I whispered to myself. I let go of her hand and folded my own against my chest, still watching her and unable to look away.

As the room door squeaked open, I sighed and turned around, thinking it was Nicolas.
Instantly, I stood up and pulled my weapon out, aiming it straight at his chest.
"Get the fuck out, Jack"

Jack shut the door behind him and took a step towards me. "I'm only here to check on Ella"

"Well she's fine, leave" I kept the weapon in his face.

"No" Jack walked towards Ella.

I glocked my gun and rushed towards Ella, pushing the weapon against the back of his head.
"One more step and her bed will be covered in pieces of your brain"

Jack turned around and faced me, having my weapon pushed up against his forehead.
"You're threats no longer scare me, do your job and shoot me already"

"Alright" I smiled, ready.

"Enough" That sweet, sweet soft voice whispered.

Jack turned around and I looked down.
Ella's eyes barely opening, she took a few deep breathes.
"I'm tired of watching you let darkness consume you more...and more" she coughed "Every day"

I frowned.

"Enough, Josh" she whispered, clearing her throat "If I tell you leave me alone you never do" she gulped, struggling lightly "So please, at least stay a fair distance away from me"

"Ella-"

"Please, Josh" she looked at me, drowsy "If you truly mean what you said that night," she awkwardly looked at Jack "Please do the one thing I truly want"

"What do you want?" I asked, in hopes she would change her sentence into please stay instead of please go.

A tear escaped her eyes before she sniffed and whispered "Love"

My frown got deeper, lost and unable to wrap my head around it.
I told you I love you, what do you mean love? I asked myself.

"Just not yours," she added.

It was in that moment, my hands fell to my side, the lump that never in my entire life of living, formed perfectly in my throat and and my chest ached.

Once my cheeks experienced the first glimpse of wet senses, I turned away and left.

I left with my heart, soul and mind in that room.

I left with nothing but a gun full of bullets.

I left with the angel of death at the tip of my head.

Yet, maybe the person you're in love with becomes the air you breathe, that if love between you ends...so do you.

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(please always ignore an grammatical errors, do not try and correct me for I did say this book is unedited until its finished!)

My best, sorry as always, nursing is such hard work on field, but its a passion and so is writing. I'm not sure when I might end Refugee, but how are you guys so far?
What would you like to see more of or more about?
Who would yu like to see more?
What would you like?

I read all comments!! Love you all.

Mia x