Princess In The Palace

15. Her Fated Departure

Chapter 15. (I went to China and let me tell you more about it below! :D)

---

recap: In the previous chapter, Empress Dowager Xīn had a dream about the late Crown Princess Wéi Qiàn. Yì Rán overheard other servants' conversation about the Crown Prince and his Mistress. She suddenly had flashes of the palace being filled with bodies of soldiers. Empress Dowager suddenly collapsed and afterwards, she gave a piece of poem to Yì Rán, hoping that she could return it to its owner.

---

Her life was nothing more than a short dream, indeed. It was filled with people who come and go as fast as a strike of lightning. She turned to her right, finding her own son holding onto her hand, the grip was firm as if he was too afraid to let go. She witnessed him, every single day, clenching his fists out of fear, fear of treason. His officials threw words at him against one another, so much that he could not trust any of them. He was scared that the one he trusted betray him. It pained her to see her own son going through that.

And the battle of the harem scared her even more. She was once part of the struggle, but now she had to witness women fighting for her son. The worst was, the fact that she was scared that there was anyone just like her among the women he had, someone who schemed to kill the Emperor. It was so ironic, that she had to be afraid of someone like herself who would finish her and Emperor Ming off. She might have endless ways to end the lives of those women, but she did not have any way to read a human's heart. Was this the price she had to pay? Had she not paid enough during the times she was still a Consort? Did she have to pay more?

She turned her eyes to look at her son in the eyes.

The biggest and final loser is the one who won the throne.

She remembered the late Emperor Shì's last words before he passed away, she finally understood what it all meant.

The fight for the throne is one that has no winner. This is the palace where winner does not exist.

His words echoed within her mind, so much that it was driving her crazy yet it kept her awake and sane.

He was right, it does not exist, the winner has never existed in the first place. I thought I won, then I found out that I lost. Living such a life, how is this winning?

What was the point of living a life of luxury and grandeur when you had to worry every single day?

Is this...the life that I have fought for...for my whole life? The life that I wanted so much, the life that I looked up to so much? This? Where regrets fill me with guilt every single day?

And she realised, that if she could turn back time, she would never ever repeat the same mistake ever again. She knew that her time was up soon. She turned to look at Emperor Ming, the one and only reason she was living right now.

Should I tell him the truth? That he is not the son of Emperor Shiv? That he is only a son of a physician?

Then again she thought, that she should not let Emperor Ming carry a secret that would be a burden to him for the rest of his life. So she thought, that the secret should just die with her, that she should bring the secret with her until she died. She no longer wanted to drag her beloved son down with her anymore. Let him live in a lie that would at least keep him safe forever.

And so she felt her eyelids getting heavier, her breathing slowing down, her consciousness fading away and the world around her gradually silenced.

---

It was once again a sea of whiteness in the palace, a colour that complemented the whiteness of the winter as snow gently fluttered down from the sky. The snowfall was beautiful, as if it was sending Empress Dowager off in the best way it could. Perhaps the coldness was to numb her heart that was stabbed repeatedly every single day by the same knife. She had left this world, her body was kept in a coffin befitting of her position. The large piece of silk cloth dyed gold had been draped over the coffin, all the servants were ready, Emperor Míng had been standing in front of the coffin waiting for the sound of gong.