Cataclysm

3.7

When the night came and the screaming faded from the arena, I curled up on the floor of my cage and tried to get some sleep, but my mind played tricks on me over and over. I dreamed about the explosion, the gunshot, the fights, those sixty one lashes, but most of all, I dreamed about my own round in the games. I couldn't close my eyes anymore without seeing Lazslo there, screaming and bleeding with my sword in his chest. Sometimes, he was a different person. Braken, Anna, David, Aaron, even Leo and Varien. And always, I heard someone scream in the background: "It's your fault! You did it! You killed him!"

I killed Lazslo, I nearly killed Gus, and now I'd just killed all of Refuge. I was a murderer. Just another human.

The feelings kept me up that night, when all I wanted to do was pass out to escape the pain. I gripped my leg tightly, now that they'd unlocked my handcuffs, and I couldn't bear to take my hands away for more than a second. Sometimes, the throbbing grew so heavy and quick that I thought it would explode. The guilt in my soul made me want to curl up and die.

Finally, near dawn, someone came up and tapped my cell door. I didn't look up. I didn't have the will to do it. "Here," Varien said, tossing a wad of bandages into my cell. "It's for your leg," he prompted when I didn't move.

I didn't hear him leave, and after a minute, I finally pulled myself up and glared up at him. "Why did you betray us?"

He shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "Fighting is what I do best. He said that I could be his champion. He'd take care of me, if I'd keep fighting for him. I'd get a percent of the money he earned to come and see me fight."

"Then why did you ... how'd ..." I didn't understand. I thought he was on our side. Turns out, he didn't care enough. "Is Sky in on it, too?" I asked softly.

He shook his head. "No. I did what I had to to get him to make you go out there. He wasn't the one who saved your life. I was."

"You mean ..." I tried to figure out what was going on, but the pain in my leg was throbbing all the way up to my head. 

"I've been talking to him about it for a while. I was there, in the shadows. I'm the one who brought the guards that night. I'm the one who picked you up and then made everyone think it was Sky. I told him that Leo wouldn't get hurt if he only did what I asked." He laughed a little and ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't think Leo would run off on his own. I almost lost Sky when that happened." There was a pause here, as if he was collecting his thoughts. "Look, it's nothing personal, Joel. I'm doing it for the good of everyone. I don't know if you heard, but Braken went back out there and killed someone. It was all over the news."

"I know, but -"

"And do you have any idea what he did when he found out you were captured?" Varien said, lowering his voice.

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. I almost didn't want to know.

"He's been slowly picking off the street police and the patrols. He went to Anna's place demanding to see her, and she had to run here before he killed her. No matter how much they try ..." He licked his lips almost nervously. "When you've been here for long enough, for a year or two, when you're forced to kill to survive, you get this craving in your heart. Murder is a drug, Joel. You do it enough and you're addicted. Leo's got it, I've got it, and so does Braken. Witnesses said that Braken got mad at the first guy he killed, and their fist fight ended fatally. He can't help it. It's better to put him back in here where he can kill without consequences. He's been doing it for too long to get rid of the addiction. He'll always want it back."

"That's not true," I said, my voice cracking. "He's the sweetest, most loving person I've ever met. It was an accident."

"He's killed seven officers in three hours, Joel. That is no accident."