Poems of the fragile heart

I wish

I wish I could have experienced
holding you for the first time. Kissing
your head and your cheek.
I wish I could have put you in your warm
clothes and wrapped you in your little blanket.
I wish I could have been with you when you smiled
for the first time.
I wish I could have been there when your first tooth
came through.
I wish I could have been there when you laughed
for the first time.
I wish that you were here to experience it.
I just want you to know that you were not a mistake,
you were a blessing. A joy that could have made
me so much happier then I am now.
When the people at the clinic and my ignorant
mother said you were nothing but a fetus,
I want you to know that you were not just a fetus
to me. You were my world. My everything.
I want you to know that I tried. I fought to keep
you here. I did my best and I lost. I'm sorry.
I must have let you down.
But know that I love you with all my heart.
And someday you will have a dad. And someday you
will have have brothers and sisters. And someday we'll
All get to meet you in heaven.
But until then, let your Heavenly Father
And mother take care of you. Be good for them.
And know that I miss you everyday.
I love you so much.
- mom