I was told a lie.. [LAMS- Hamilton. (I DONT OWN THE ART!)]

Chapter 17

No POV (kinda? Idek lol)

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S ON! HERC! MON AMOUR, THE VIDEO CAM IS WORKING!!" Laf screamed through the screen. John winces at the loud sound and Alex, who was sitting next to John, covered his ears.

"Why???" Alex screeched. John laughed and turned the volume down a bit on the computer. He sat Indian style on the bed, and Alex sat with his legs extended out on the bed near the wall. Hercules soon came into the frame. Lafayette and Hercules sat in computer chairs, their computer sat on a desk. They were currently in France.

"How are you guys?" Lafayette asked with an excited tone. Alex and John both said good.

"How France Herc?" Alex asked with a smirk on his face. Hercules rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair.

"It'd be better if I knew more of the actual language." he grumbled. Hercules decided that he wasn't non-binary, but Lafayette is. Lafayette was very happy with their discovery. He seemed way happier now, despite being in France because of their grandmother dying, Hercules was always by their side. Lafayette laughed at Hercules reaction.

"How are you, John? How are you and your... father..?" Lafayette asks, almost disgusted to say Henry was John's father. Silence stayed between the groups, a worried look on Alex's face. John glanced up at the ceiling, thinking to himself. He suddenly smiled,

"It's going well!" he told the two across the screen. Herc and Laf looked surprised by this. Alex also looked confused. Did John not remember the events of just two days ago? Henry did seem to be getting more close to John, but they still seemed to be on edge.

"Really...?" Herc asked, surprised by the answer. John kept the biggest smile on his face.

"Yep! We're on good terms now. He even started calling Jr. by his name!" John exclaimed happily. Lafayette grinned happily,

"That's great mon ami! We can't wait to see you guys in person! We will be back in America the day after you guys get back at the college. We all need to go Christmas shopping soon too!" Laf tells us. A vibration sound comes from the other end of the call.

"We're getting another call mes amies. We'll talk soon!" with that, Lafayette ended the call. John sighed happily and closed his laptop. He set it on the desk next to his bed, and jumps off the bed to only run down the stairs.

"JOHN WAIT UP!" Alex called after him, as he also jumped off the bed, stumbling over his own feet. John didn't listen to Alex calling for him. He ran through the kitchen and out the back door. Alex quickly running after him. John ran a bit quicker and did a round-off into a double back handspring. Alex stayed towards the door, his mouth gaping open, amazed at what his friend had did. John laughed, his hands resting on his knees to keep his weight up. He straightened his posture, his back cracking in the process.

"You haven't done that in a long time!" Jr. said from behind John. Alex ran up to John, who turned around at his brothers voice. Jr.'s head was now shaved, the sides and back short. The top of his head had longer hair that was laid to the side. John looked at his head in amazement, also seeing Jr. had new clothing. Not the usual hand me downs from John. Jr. beamed proudly at his new look, he knew he was passing as a male very well.

"Dad took me out this morning to get a haircut and new clothing!" He told John with excitement laced around his voice. John smiled and opened his mouth to say something, but he heard a voice come from the barn.

"She's so cute!" he heard a familiar voice say. John walked slowly towards the large gateway that was open to the barn. He peaked in, and saw his sister and her girlfriend playing with Addy. John smiled and walked away. He sighed happily, his family was whole again... he slid down the side of the barn with a very happy smile. All he wanted to do was run around the large area. The fields of corn and wheat. The long grass to tickle his nose, the cold breeze to go through his hair, he wanted to stargaze for hours. He felt like he had no more worries. No worrying of his father abusing him and his siblings, no lectures from teachers.

For once, he felt at home.

And he wanted to stay home.

"John?" Alex asked him, seemingly worried that his friend was sitting there just smiling. John flinched out of his peaceful trance, and smiles up at Alex.

"Are you okay? You zoned out." He asks. John only smiled again and jumped up.

"Okay?? I'm great!" John exclaimed. Bells chimes through the air.

"Supper is ready!" Henry called to the children. Martha and Sandrine both run to the door. Addy wobbles our of the barn, dirt on her red dress. John smiles and picks Addy up.
(I need to vent so this is just me coming through in the story really quickly...)
  Something didn't feel right to Alex.. he didn't feel comfortable. He felt guilty.. he just wanted to cry to himself but he didn't know why... he felt something in his heart that didn't feel right. He trailed behind Alex and his siblings. They all looked so happy... Alex blew that away a long time ago in his childhood. Why didn't he die..? Why was he feeling this way..? Alex has had a great life since he has gotten to New York, and he still does have a great life... so why did he feel this way? Why did his heart sting? Was it guilt? Did he just want attention? He was very confused on his emotions... He knew that he really liked John So was that it? He did feel pretty clingy lately... he wanted John to be his. He wants it so bad. But he can't.. just can't... he can't tell him how he feels. He'd rather disguise his emotions than let them be free.. he'd rather close himself off to read or write and stay in his room to only feel bad about himself. To only feel nasty and like a freak. He was never satisfied. But did he really want to be satisfied? Or just stay like this and drown in his own despair.

He wanted
And wanted
And kept wanting...

But nothing ever changes for him.

Why would he spend this time bothering John? He deserve to be happy.

Alex thought to himself.
Alex deserved...
He deserved the names he has been called
He deserves the pain he feels in his heart
He deserves all the heartbreak
He deserves the lives he ruined
He deserved pain and no love
He deserved to be ignored
He deserved to stand to the side and watch others succeed.
He deserved failure.

. . .

But why did he feel this way...? He didn't know.. but he didn't want to tell anyone about because he knew people would worry and people would try to care but he didn't want that. He doesn't want to waste other people's time and effort.

He felt ignored

He felt unloved and uncared for

He wanted attention.

But he's too afraid to ask for it...

  Alex plastered a smile on his face and caught up with everyone, ready to take in sorrow...

(I won't be on here unless you dm me. Not in the best mood rn.)