Mirrors//m.c

three

"I'm scared to get close.
And I hate being alone,
And I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get,
The lower I sink,
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."
                      -Can you feel my heart, Bring me the horizon.




He started to rush and pack everything back up. He hurriedly shoved his phone in his pocket, stuffing the little napkin in his hand, and running out the door.

Jasmine stared at him, as he ran up and out of the room. She sighed and put a palm to her forehead. Doesn't he get she can't be fixed? Jasmine knew. But Jasmine didn't love people like Michael. Nobody, in fact, cared about people like Michael.
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Carter and Ariella sat inside on the small couch, squished together. Her head rested back, and she looked up, thinking about nothing. And yet, at the same time, everything.

"If I go and make a friend, do you think you can still protect me?" Ariella said, in a quiet tone. She played with her hands, that were by her face. They were always by her face.

"I'll protect you no matter what."

"Really?" She said, flicking her head towards him. "Cause you said that you wanted to move on."

"Well, I said I'll always protect you. I can't take care of you forever."

She raised an eyebrow and sat up, hands clutching to the edge of the couch. She forced a smile and nodded. Why can't he take care of her forever?

"I get it. But, Can I always stay with you if I make a friend."

"I don't think you're getting the 'friend' concept." Carter said, sliding his feet across the floor, looking down at the rug. "You wouldn't need me after you get a friend, Ari."

The girl looked around the room. can there be any other thing to talk about except being Friends with people? I guess not. Her brother seemed to be obsessed with the thought that maybe she can finally leave with some 'friend' of hers.

Waiting for the silence to break, and hoping it won't be broken with the following conversation starter of new Friends, Ariella stood up, and walked out of the room. A hand pushed through her hair and she looked down at her feet while walking. I've got some pretty misshapen feet.

"Where are you going?"

"In my room."

Usually, Ariella stayed away from her room. She wasn't really allowed in there alone, anyways, for the most part. Carter thought (knew) she would hurt herself in that room, and since he was basically her second dad and made the promise to always keep her safe and clean forever, he had to keep her in sight. And even if people thought it was weird that he went everywhere she went, (even to the pharmacy to buy pads\tampons) and had to make her eat and all not, they still had each other, which was all they needed.

"Do you need my help-" He started, but was interupted by the girl whom seemed to be upset within a moments time. Why was she upset, He thought. She needs to grow up, that poor girl.

"What's the point, you want me to leave anyways." She said, making her way down the hallway, covered in pictures of them when they were tiny, and the most recent was about four years ago. Carter and Ariella were in Washington. Remember when everything was perfect?

"Okay, Okay. I promise you can stay with me. But, you have to make a friend." Carter said, running after her in the hallway, placing a hand on her shoulder and turning her around.

Ariella smiled a little and put her arms around Carter, her cheek resting on his chest.

"I'll meet him, I promise. Just keep your promise, too."

And the boy and the girl shook their hands. Though they knew Michael was probably off his shift at this point, they swore to each other that tomorrow they would invite him to lunch. And Ariella, for the first time, would sit down one on one with another boy besides her brother in a long time.

But they didn't know how that lunch would actually turn out, sadly. For they, were going to take in a lot more than they wanted to.
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Michael was indeed not looking for the girl, but he was looking for places where he can get more answers. He was greedy, and he had a thirst to receive answers. The way he saw it, was that he needed to know everything there was to this disorder. A simple description was not enough. He needed cause and treatments and answers. He needed so many answers.

So he made his way up to the library, where he took out a series of books and plopped them onto the table, flipping pages and chapters, closing books and opening them. He searched for answers, he wrote it down on the little bookmark her had.

So there is no cause to the disorder of BDD. But there is always a cause if there is an effect. I want to know the cause.
 Also I have found out that there is no treatment, too. There are pills, but in claimed documentary's\autobiography's, they don't work and they wish to have confidence boosts by encouragement and helpful words. But the thing was, they were so scared to get close, yet, they hated to be alone. And they were in this never ending circle of being all by themselves and hating how they look and feel about themselves. The thing was, that I knew I could help them, but if they can't get close to someone, or near, then I just had to push harder to get them to feel good. Because now that I've started, I will stop at no ends to help this girl overcome her insecurities and stand up for herself. I never want to see her cover her face again, so as long as I'm here.

But the way I see it was, that I wasn't afraid of her being emotionally wrecked at this point.

I was afraid of her actually dying, for that was the path she had chosen, and I can make her steer to another route.