Mirrors//m.c

chapter thirteen/ step three

so i said i was gonna do a double update yesterday guess who is a liar, me. okay so enjoy this chapter because its iwfhoibwoibfipwb and next chapter is last chapter and it's even more eiifboiqwebfeowi so yup
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[lowercase intended for this chapter]

 step three: liking her body

the next morning involved ariella pleading over and over again for her not to go. and of course, it also involved carter saying she had to.

throwing her hands up in defeat, the girl dragged herself to her room, slamming the door shut as she got dressed, very, very slowly.

once finished, carter took her outside and sat her on the steps to her porch. she placed her elbows on her knees, resting her chin in her palms. she stared at her shoes and bit her bottom lip.

she thought about many things, but the one thing her mind always went back to was the fact that michael loved her. and she, before meeting the odd colored hair kid, was never really loved.

11:43 is when michael had pulled up to the curb. ariella took a long moment to bring herself to her feet. she did not want to go whatsoever.

her feet never left the concrete as she shuffled to michael car, slipping inside and folding her arms, her eyes locked on her house, and on carter, who waved from the window, then shut the blinds.

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ariella began to smell ocean the further it got into the car trip. out her window, she could make out the blue patch in the distance.

she hadn't said anything during the whole trip yet. though, michael has. he had probably apologized for what had happened a gazillion times, and ariella just nodded as a response each time.

as he pulled into the parking lot ariella had noticed three things

one; sad was completely visible

two; the large patch of blue water is now very close 

three; they were at a god damn beach

ariella gasped a little.

michael took ariella to beach.

where girls and boys were mainly just skin in front of hundreds of people, running around, being happy in their own body.

and here sat ariella, in a sweatshirt and jeans, sinking in her seat.

"i don't even have a suit." she stated, hoping that would be her excuse for him to take her home.

"i figured you wouldn't of." michael said, reaching in the back seat.

"me and your brother went to some store yesterday and purchased one. he thought it was a good idea to take you out to the beach for once, so we got you a bathing suit." he said, placing the bathing suit carter had picked out on ariella's lap.

as much as she didn't want to smile, she did. 

"why aren't you wearing your bathing suit then?" 

"what are you talking about?" he said, getting out of the car, and only then was his calves and basketball shorts actually noticable and didn't look like baggy black jeans.

"c'mon, lets go swimming!"
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ariella had been begged by michael to go into the bathroom and change for a full fifteen minutes before she sighed, rolled her eyes, and got into the bathroom.

she watched many girls just walk out. stomach showing, thighs, calves, arms, alll showing.

she went into a stall and stood there for a moment, staring down at the bathing suit. she shooked her head, mumbling to herself.

i cant wear this

i'd look horrible

everyone is gonna stare at me

i'm so fat. i hate my skin. i hate it i hate it i hate it.

she didn't even bother to put it on, she just stuffed it into bag she had as far as she could, taers streaming down her cheeks. 

people knew she was crying. they could hear the small sobs from her stall.

she started to cry even harder at the thought of people judging her.

she swung the stall's door open, rushing out of there as quick as she could, rapidly shaking her head, mumbling a series of no.

"i can't!" she screamed, running to the car. "i hate you so much! i hate you!" 

she continued to yell those same words over and over again as she ran around the parking lot, searching for the car.  ariella then threw the bag at the floor, letting out a small whimper.

she did the one thing she hasn't done for such a long time; cover her face with the cuffs of her sweatshirt.

michael dashed up next to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

"you're okay, ari. i promise you, you're beautiful."

she wasn't listening this time. she kept on pulling away, running as far away from michael as she could.

she was out of the parking lot, out into the open road, one hand on her face, only letting one eye look at where she was going.

michael had rushed to his car and fumbled for the keys, telling himself how dumb he was for thinking that maybe if he did these steps slowly that she would become better.

he was stuck in traffic though, constantly honking his horn for people to get a move on. in the distance he could make out the figure of ariella running away.

ariella ran into a small store off to the side, covering her face with both hands and took out the stuffed money she had shoved in her pocket, throwing down advil onto the counter and sighing.

the clerk looked at her funny. he twisted his head, but he really had no place on telling her she couldn't have the pills.

"nearest bathroom?" she asked, with the small whisper voice she had before she met michael. he leaned in and asked her to repeat what she said.

"bathroom?" she asked once more, and he pointed over to the door on the side.

oh, how clueless he was to what she was about to do.

michael, not even being there to see what she had purchased, already knew, even being oh so far from the store, what she was attempting, he continuously honked, watching the store. he itched his palms, biting his lip. he just knew what was going to happen.

ariella had stepped into the bathroom, not bothering to lock it, popping open the cap, and dumping it into the palm of her hand, looking at the cracked mirror this small convience store bathroom had.

some say there is always a note, and that there is always some sort of battle with not only yourself, but with the people that surround you. and it's such shame that we are so familiar to the whole idea of suicide that we have came to the assumption of these things. because this is not the case almost ever. this is what people make it out to be.

most people who want to take their life don't spend more time of their life sitting down and writing up an apology note or a reason why they are doing this.

they give out hints.

they don't go to counsles.

they don't beg for help.

no,

what they do is keep how they feel a secret from those they love.

and though it was no secret to anyone that ariella hates herself,

she hadn't been blurting out that she was suicidal.

she hadn't been telling everything she felt to michael.

she took the pills and swallowed them, and the last thing she saw before blacking out was her own reflection, and she could see the red haired boy dashing in from the mirror as well.

but it was too late michael,

it was too late.