Song of Ice and Fire

Chapter Thirty-One

"Aren't we all a bit strange?" I look at him and sink into his ocean blue eyes. The small smile appears on my lips.

"What do you mean?" I can barely restrain myself from playing with his jet black hair.

"We love each other." He starts with serious and deep voice. "And yet, we keep hurting each other. We need one another and yet, we keep pushing others away."

"This is how the world works." I whisper in low tone. He looks at me a bit confused. "We do things, we know will destroy us."

"Your sister seems amused by you." Her voice is cold and itchy. I look at her cold Tully eyes and smile.

"Yeah, we talked a bit." I admit and look back at the garden.

"You have changed." Catelyn says in a cold voice when she stands next to me. I look at her, surprised. "You don't talk back, you don't stay on meetings and you don't fight. You just... act like everyone else."

"Wasn't it what you and Robb wanted?" I ask a bit irritated. "Did I do even that wrong?" I ask again, anger taking best of me. "I... I have let people die and fight. I let people do whatever they wanted and I didn't even talk to Robb out of doing something stupid, as I usually did. I have been doing what you have wanted and now... what did I do wrong?"

"It's not what you did. Rather what you did not." She admits and looks at me. "I preferred you when you were disobeying. It was part of your personality ever since you were little." The rare warm smile appears on her lips. "And that trait saved our lives. And Sansa's." She adds and looks away from me.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I don't know. I know I have never been a good mother to you. And I know that I will never be one." She admits and shakes her head. "I loved your father, Bianca. And I loved the little girl you were. But... it wasn't..."

"Enough?" I suggest and she nods.

"Yes." She sighs. "But very next day I regretted doing that to you. I didn't want to push you from the wall. I didn't want you to die. But we couldn't even find your corpse. So, we gave up." She continues talking with emotionless voice. "And when you came back, I thought I would make up for what I did. But I was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to love you as I loved my other children. You just were there, rebel and stubborn, making me hate you even harder."

"And now, you regret not killing me."

"No. I am happy you are alive. You saved us. I just wish you weren't my child. Or child from Brandon."

"But we can't change that now, mother. I never wanted to be your child either. You never liked me, and I knew it. But... you could be a bit better person, couldn't you?"

"I could. But did I want to?" She smiles and looks at me, shaking her head.

"Right. You didn't." I whisper, feeling my heart clenching tightly. "Sorry. I need to go." I whisper and leave her alone.

My footsteps are slow and normal, but as soon as I go further enough, I start running and crying at the same time.
The pain she caused is unbearable. I can't live through this again and again and to know that she just regrets even bringing me to this life.

"Remember princess. Life isn't always about what we love and who we love. Even people, who we hold dear will turn their back on us." Father whispers and kisses my forehead. "One day, even our closest person will leave us and then... all we have is ourselves and nothing else. People are born to be miserable. We might love one, and that someone might be in love with someone else. And we can't force ourselves on them. So, sometimes it is better to let them go."

"Hey, are you okay?" His voice is full of worry and care. His sea blue eyes are staring deep in my soul and even from his look, I can see how he is really interested.

"No." I whisper and without thinking lean forward, crushing his lips with mine.