Rants

12

I have been depressed most if my life, though it's not that long but ever since I started becoming more mature, about the time I entered middle school, I had realized all the things I've been through and that slowly wore me down.
This being said, it brought on a depression.
At that time I also found an online chat website where I met many many friends that I'm still with today, but it also made my depression worse, as many people hated me, and the few I dated ended up cheating on me or even going far enough to blackmail me to do things that I wish I had never ever agreed to, and had find a way out of it.
That led up to my mind giving in and attempting suicide, which I would have fulfilled if my mom was not home and had not caught me. She banned me from found on any chat websites ever.
That single decision I made, had banned me from talking to my friends, the closest friends I ever could find.
I ended up sneaking on and talking to them,  getting away from the ones who hurt me.
But with how far I was into that depression, I never really left it, it only faded for a short period of time.
With or building up it was bound to break, and it did, multiple times.
During those few years I met a few irl friends that I knew would stick with me forever, or at least a very long time. One of them I met even dated me for 2 years, just now breaking up with me in January.
Those friends new of my depression , and one of them goes through am even worse depression than i, while another I don't know much about.
I've been close to suicide many times, as i have yet to find a way to stay happy, to keep a smile on my face at all times.
This new school year, my freshman year, has been the most happiest time of my life, while yes I have had many times if things happen to harm me, I've had so many good things happen that have made me smile.
Meeting new friends, feeling proud of myself for once, and even having some teachers I feel like they're my parents.
I've been feeling better about everything,  which is the best type of thing ever. Getting slowly out of my depression that's been haunting my life for years.
It may never leave,  or it may, I don't know, I just hope I can finally feel happy in in my life