024. I Can't Do This - IRL

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IRL

Dacre's POV:

Things had been great between Ava and I... when we were alone that is. She was still weird about things even around people that already knew we were together. It really made me wonder. I didn't know if she actually wanted to be together, or if she was weird about it because she was ashamed of our relationship. It'd been over three months since we started dating and she insisted on keeping things secret still. I wasn't even allowed to meet her parents, actually I'm almost sure that they didn't even know about us being anything more than just friends. If you couldn't tell, I was very frustrated by that whole situation.

The days went by and all I could think about was why she didn't want to just come out and tell everyone what they already knew. The thoughts festered and the anger and confusion bubbled and grew as more time went on until finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided we needed to talk about it, so I drove myself to her house, marched right up to her door and knocked. I waited a few moments before she finally appeared at the door. She looked confused for a second when she saw me, but she quickly changed that into a smile.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"We need to talk, Ava," I sighed. She furrowed her brows and nodded.

"Okay, yeah," she said, "come in." She opened the door a little more so I could step in and then led me to the living room. "So, what's going on?" she asked.

"Why don't you want to go public?" I asked bluntly. She looked very taken aback and it took her a minute to answer.

"I, um, what?" she asked, "Where is this all coming from?"

"It's coming from us having dated for almost four months and you still acting as if we were some brand new unstable couple," I told her. She looked even more confused for a second.

"Dacre," she began, "It's just not the right time yet. I'm not ready."

"Why not, Ava?" I asked, growing more and more frustrated, "Is it because you're ashamed of us being together? Are you waiting to see if someone else better than me comes around and sweeps you off your feet?"

"What are you talking about?" she half yelled, "Why would you even say that?"

"Because I've stayed up multiple nights over the past week just wondering why you refuse to share our relationship with the rest of the world, and those are really the only two options that make any sense!" I exclaimed, the emotions and everything just getting to me.

"Is that really the type of person you think I am?" she asked her voice quivering. I started to feel a little bit of regret for saying those things, but I couldn't bring myself to fully feel bad because of the situation.

"I don't know, Ava," I sighed, "If that's not it then please just tell me the reason... Please."

"I'm scared," she confessed, her voice coming out barely above a whisper, "Things are just going so well for us right now as we are and I'm scared that doing anything about it will mess things up. I'm scared that the media is going to do something that will ruin our relationship or that the fans or people in general will break us down." She looked like she was on the verge of tears at that point.

"Why would that even be an issue?" I asked in disbelief.

"Because it's happened to me before!" she exclaimed, her tone matching mine from a few minutes earlier. "I've had it happen with past relationships. It took us so long and so much work to get to where we are now and I want to keep things that way, so excuse me for being a little apprehensive about telling people who will only want us to fail as a couple." I shook my head.

"We can't just live in constant fear like that," I told her. Her face softened and she nodded knowingly.

"I know," she frowned, "I promise you that we will be able to tell people outside our immediate friend group eventually, but I just need time." I couldn't help but feel frustrated because this whole conversation had basically gotten us nowhere.

"I'll see you around, Ava," I scoffed before getting up and letting myself out.

I could hear her calling after me as I got in my car and started driving away. I didn't want to stay and keep talking about anything because I knew I'd probably say something I'd regret and end up making things worse somehow. I knew Ava was important to me, but I didn't know how much longer I was willing to put up with being her little secret. 

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