His Muse

The boys are over there, being total badasses

Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved

"So... I hear you have a stray cat locked in your room?" Sav commented as they walked out of the gym as a group. Their feet left dusted streaks through the snow, and Nic could feel it slowly freezing every last one of his toes.

"Yeah, I sent you a picture," Kieran laughed, and Nic through down his arms in exasperation. "What?"

"You still haven't added me on Snapchat, and you won't accept my friend request on Facebook," he whined, all while Sav snickered at him from around Kieran. Nic scowled at her and said, "You're just a little home-wrecker aren't you?"

Sav tugged down her eyelid with her finger and stuck her tongue out at him, only to be swatted back into position by Bev. "All right, that's enough. We aren't talking about that right now," Bev chided them, glaring at Nic. They were all too aware that Leo walked in front of them a ways away, highlighted around the edges by the lamp posts dotting the streets, and catching snow in flecks of orange light against his beanie.

Something about Leo being broken up with felt... hollow to Nic. He felt like this rigid shell represented something of just... a guy who was far more innocent than Nic gave him credit for. There was nothing particularly grand about their breakup, and perhaps that was what made Nic think that relationships were fickle things and it didn't matter whether your attachment to a partner lasted one month or two-hundred seven months.

He wondered if Leo's breakup would have felt more significant than this had he been dating Olivia for two-hundred seven months. He wondered if his own breakup would feel so hollow like this. Shouldn't there be some empathetic pain on his part? How would Leo mourn this? Would he watch 27 Dresses like Nic always did after breakups?

Kieran was showing Milo pictures of the cat while Nic walked forward, jogging a little to catch up with Leo. They walked in silence together for a while. Their feet scrunched in tune with Milo's high-pitched squealing over the nameless cat.

"I feel like..." Leo started, voice stuffy. He cleared his throat a little. "I feel like I'm broken up over something so idiotic. You know? I have midterms to worry about. Not some relationship that probably wouldn't have lasted all that long to begin with. And then, logically, my brain is beating me up for wasting this month and a half on a girl who wouldn't even be there in the long run. You know what I mean?"

Nic thought about Kieran and how he assumed that Kieran would never even consider going on a date with Nic. He just assumed that it would never pan out, but that was before he realized that squishes felt like long-term commitments with people Kieran appreciated enough to keep close. An attachment like that would extend far beyond the bargain of sexual attraction that may or may not fade. "If you think like that you'll never find anyone to stick out in the long run. You gotta take chances like that sometimes," Nic told him.

"Yeah, well, what do you think's gonna happen to you and Kieran then?" he asked, softly, since if they talked loud enough the others would be able to hear. But for now, it was just the two of them.

"What do you mean?" he said.

"Well... every relationship either works out, or doesn't. You break up, or you don't. What do you think's gonna happen?" Leo said.

Nic spent far too much time letting this question swarm the interior of his skull. Late nights tended to do that to him, and he'd tell himself that those times he felt guilty for having such "disgusting" thoughts about Kieran, knowing that his boyfriend would never approve. His boyfriend would never fantasize about him like that, and that just seemed... okay to Nic. He didn't mind that so much as he did the outcome of their relationship. In the long run.