While he's gone...

A Something Something Tuesday

Well... Last night, I figured out my PS4 controller was dead. Completely. So I let it sit on the charger while I cleaned up the kitchen, and got my mom a pot of coffee ready to brew in the morning. 

By the time I was done, it was 1 am. The controller had to be fully charged, so, I went into my living room and got on. I played 1 round of COD WWI before switching over to Paragon for awhile. But as soon as I was bored again, I shut it off, and headed upstairs. I got my personal laptop and played Minecraft on it till my trial expired. 

After that, I got on my phone, and played the Minecraft: Pocket Edition.

Anything to keep myself awake. But even after my phone died, I found that I couldn't sleep anyways. Instead, the stupid voices in my head came back, telling me the exact same thing as before, except, they seemed louder now.

I stayed awake the entire night, both my phone and laptops on the charger. 5 nights. 5 nights with little to no sleep. 

I easily got ready, while my mom took forever, and drove me to school " thank you, for cleaning up the kitchen and being up earlier than expected. "

"I didn't sleep anyways" I muttered, she had heard me, I know it, but she didn't say anything about it. I got to the school early, 7:30, with a 12 can pack of Yoohoos. I got them into Bff's locker, and walked to our health teachers room.

There I sat, for half an hour until the bell rang, before going to study hall. 1st period. Finally, the schedule was back as normal. But, I was sick of being in the there, where everyone was yelling and being as loud as they could. I excused myself to the teacher, and asked to go to our science room, where there, I found basically my best friend of a teacher.

Mrs. Strickler. 

She wasn't strict at all. In fact, if anything, she's the one who has helped out most. I owe a lot to her, too. 

Anyways, I sat in the science room, only able to think about bff. I told Strickler he wasn't here today, that he got the flu, and is in the hospital. She said her apologies. I simply said its ok, and that I was doing fine

If bff were here, he'd know what fine means for me

Fine- not ok, barely able to continue going, close to the edge, near breakdown.

That's my definition of fine.

Anyways, the bell rang, 2nd period came by. Then, I messaged bff's mother. She told me they had a meeting at 10. So I waited... and waited... and waited... and waited some more. the bell rang, and I went to 3rd period. There, I waited till 11, cause normally there meetings  only lasted an hour. 

I messaged his mother. " so?"

Instead, I get a notification from google hangouts. That basically leaves me crying in joy. I ended up rushing out of 3rd period and hid by the auditorium doors.

Him: "So...             Just got out..."Me: "...."
Him: "Hello? Just got out~"

Me: "IM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE

I AM RIDING THE BUS AND COMING TO YOUR HOUSE"
Him: "Lmao, alright, alright! Chill out. Mom wants you 6o clear it with your mother first though!To*"

Me: "Already did!!!

Also, like I said, I probably look like crap. And no reading my Wattpad story."
Him: "Lol, alright. We are on our way home, just ride the bus #8 home and you know where to get off. DO NOT miss it!! I gtg, cya soon!!"

Me: "There are no promises"

I want this day to go by faster in school. I want to skip time ahead to when I get off his bus. I want to see him, and hug him again. Because the Crazy Haired Weirdo will never know just how much hell I have gone through since he was gone. Or how much it hurt knowing that he didn't want me to send him away. 

I'm still scared though. I know, I know. " hey, why would you still be scared? He literally TOLD you which bus to get on so he could SEE you". I know, dear reader. I shouldn't be. But literally, I can't just make myself not be afraid. I'm scared crapless, that when I get there, all I get is yelled at. That, I shouldn't have told anyone. Not his family. Not his best friends. 

I didn't want to risk losing him though.

Because i'm still caught at the part where, if I hadn't told SOMEONE, he could've tried to kill himself. That blame would have been left on me. I wouldn't have been able to handle that...