After graduating from high school, Mathew sets out to do a two-year missionary service like everyone else his age.
Mathew thought that his only problem would be him adjusting to the city as someone who's lived in a farming town all his life. he didn...
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For the next few days, I stopped by at Nathaniel's place frequently. We would talk, eat, and sometimes kiss. Kissing. Kissing Nathaniel felt great, and every time we did kiss all I wanted was more. His lips were full and soft, and the moist feeling of his tongue made my heart pound. There was something about his body too that made me want to larch on to him for minutes at a time. He was warm, broad, and it often felt like I was being engulfed.
It's not something I can really explain, but all I can say is that it's definitely exciting.
I learned that Nath was a good cook from his cooking, and I did notice that he prayed. Well, no full-blown well thought out prayers, but small brief mumblings under his breath when he was facing a challenge or the other. The dog he often gave a treat on the street came around from time to time, and Nath gave it food, petting the dog, and sometimes even letting it into the house.
At some point during one of my visits, I had wandered into his bedroom. It was a small plain place with a bed, a study desk, and of course, a bedside table stacked with books. I had sat on the edge, and he had come in looking for me a few minutes afterward. He had sat beside me as I flipped through the books on his desk.
"You read a lot of..." I had trailed, not really sure what religious books and manuals were called.
"Theology," he had answered, leaning back until he was lying on his back on his bed. "I like reading about religion," I had heard him say, making me turn back to look down at him. Nath was tall, really tall. Not Sam's lean lanky tall, but the broad huge kind. I'm not sure if that's a good descriptor. I keep mentioning his height, but it was really fascinating to me as someone almost a whole foot shorter than him.
"Then how come you're not religious?" I had asked him, and a smile formed on his lips as he smiled.
"Learning a lot about religion is the reason I'm not religious," he said. I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but I didn't ask him about it.
Another thing that was memorable about my time with him was once, I had wanted to lie next to him on his bed, so I had gotten out of my clothes — well, not everything. He had burst into laughter at the sight of my underwear, and in his own words: "What the fuck is that?" I hadn't been sure whether to be embarrassed or whether to laugh along with him, because, yes, my temple garments did look confusing.
I think it was that night I decided to stop wearing them. I was committing sacrilege at this point, and the garments themselves clearly weren't keeping me safe from the pollutions of this world. In fact, I had jumped with both legs into the river of sin, and so far, I wasn't regretting it.
A sigh left my lips as I looked down at the journal I had brought down with me. I was scribbling my thoughts away, pausing from time to time to read them to myself, wondering if this was really me.
Am I gay?
The words I had scribbled down in a slanted cursive stared up at me. Well, am I? I kind of repeated to myself, as if wanting an answer from someone. No one was in the room with me, and I'd be damned if I actually asked anyone upright. I could ask Nathaniel, but he would probably roll his eyes and shake his head. I wanted to google it, but servers and their history were monitored.
