Fixing the Broken

Jealously

03/17/18
So, I'm a very jealous person. I've had a lot of things happen that have cause me to be this way. My best friend dumped me after about 9 years of friendship. I thought we were going to grow old together. My little, emotional, dependent mind wanted to be enough for her, but I wasn't.

My current best friend is starting to hang out with other people...without me.

I'm scared.

What if she likes them more than me?

She's told me that she can't live without me and she loves me, but that's what Casey always told me.

I know that people grow apart and change, I just don't want to feel inadequate again.

I hate myself.

I have had so much stress on me lately that I can't make sense of anything right now.

My weekend has been filled with panic attacks.

I just have never felt like I was enough. Even when me and Casey were friends, she still made me feel like she was embarrassed to know me. Her popular friends were always way more important.

I slowly got over her. Replacing her with temporary friends. It got to where I slowly began deleting pictures of us off my phone and replacing them with new ones of me and Nicole.

I guess that time is coming around again.

I just feel like I'm useless to everyone and I'm not anyone's favorite. Everyone wants to be someone else's favorite person to be around. I just feel so unwanted. It's crazy.

I thought I was doing better, but it turns out I'm back to where I was. Maybe emotions only take short breaks to regroup and then they come back even stronger than before. I don't know what to do. I just want to be okay. 

I give up.