lucidity | shyland ✓

six

chapter six
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'so, do you wanna go back to my place?' shane asked with a small and cheeky smile. today's dream was different. i knew i was dreaming. this was perfect. after looking up how to lucid dream, i had followed all the steps and actually managed to succeed. the feeling of invincibility had been knocked a little but i agreed, making his eyes light up as we walked down the road together.

when the dream has begun, i was watching shane on the swing at a park as he screamed he was going to fall and break it, making many families look over disapprovingly. he had just grinned and waved back at them, watching with a pleased look as their faces contorted. now, our feet were smacking against the pavement, hands brushing ever so slightly as we walked. my heart was beating so fast and i hated that because boys were not meant to like boys. at least, that's what has been drilled into my brain ever since i could walk.

soon, we were outside the prettiest house i had ever seen. it was more of a cottage, really, with ivy growing up the walls of the one story high building. there was a wooden gate that rose up to our hips, and the bungalow was lined with brick wall that fell around the same height. plants were growing all through the cobble stone path as shane shut the gate behind us, leading me up to the big oak door and sticking his keys inside.

'my parents have driven up to pennsylvania for three weeks to stay with my gran, so i've got the place to myself. it's awesome.' he said excitedly, pushing open the door and pulling me inside. my eyes softened to the golden lighting as shane flicked the switch, kicking off his shoes as i did the same. 'that's the kitchen, sitting room, dinner table, bathroom,' he listed with a grin and gestured towards each one, 'and right at the back is my parents room.'

i stared around the house in perplexity. how could such a small and dreary, low budget house be so perfect and beautiful? the walls had paintings hung up everywhere, and odd ornaments decorated every surface.

'where's your room?' i asked, furrowing my eyebrows. he gave me a knowing smile, muttering fondly how impatient i was before leaning up and unclipping a hatch from the ceiling. a ladder unfolded in front of us and shane began to climb through the hole, gesturing me to follow. 'you live in the attic?' my voice was laced with disbelief. i pictured a grubby, damp and dirty space where you had to crouch in order to save your head from being smacked against the roof.

it was nothing like that.

every inch of his walls was covered in something, whether it was posters from a magazine, or train tickets, polaroids, printed out photos or little notes. anything and everything was plastered across the paint, almost as though a scrapbook of his life had been thrown at the wall.

just like the ones i had in my room, he too had golden fairy lights strung across the eaves of his ceiling. the carpet beneath me was grey and slightly matted, yet still soft under my feet. although the room was small, it was big enough to have a double bed in (his sheets were a crisp white with little grey dots all over), a dresser where i could only assume his clothes were kept, and a large window looked out onto the blackening sky. i'm not sure what time it was; my phone was tucked in my back pocket.

'so, what do you think?' shane broke me from my chain of thoughts, my head snapping towards him as he sat down on his bed.

'it's, like, really amazing.' i said quietly, placing myself directly next to him. he smiled widely, taking a glance at me before looking away.

'd'you want a drink?' he asked, glancing at his watch, 'it's nine pm, we might as well.' i agreed, wondering why the time mattered as he scampered off down the ladder.

when he returned, he had two bottles and a shiny metal device in his hands. 'what's that?' i questioned timidly, eying the foreign object.

'oh.' he said quietly in answer. 'i thought you knew i meant a drink drink. i can get you a water if you want, i—' he began to trip on his words. i slowly realised that he was holding alcohol and we were both underaged.

i had never drunk before, aside from a glass of champagne at new year, but that was a given and i'm pretty sure my mother bought the low percentage alcohol version anyway. i knew morgan had drank before but i just didn't bring it up; andrew's instagram wasn't on private and i may check his story from time to time, just to look out for her. garrett had been giving her a piggyback, a bottle of fireball in her hand as andrew kissed her cheek. that was one of the numerous photos that appeared on his story that night, but i kept my mouth shut. whilst i did not agree, she was my sister. siblings stick together.

'do you want me to get you another drink? i have juice, i think, or water?' he asked softly, and despite my head spinning at the thought of actually consuming any alcohol, i reminded myself that i was dreaming. this was not real, and whilst this reoccurring appearance of shane felt so true, we were far from reality.

maybe, i thought, i could do all the things i couldn't in real life, but live them through these dreams? no one would be able to stop me, right? no one knows. he's my secret. i would never be able to drink beer or hang out with a boy who liked to hold my hand sometimes in real life, and if i had the opportunity to do these things truly in secret then what harm could be done?

'sorry, i just haven't drank properly before.' i admitted and shane broke out into a soft smile, sitting down next to me. 'i want to, though.' i added and bit my lip a little. his eyes went a weird colour, almost a darker shade, and he coughed awkwardly before giving me another award-winning grin.

i grasped the drink from him and read the label that had "coronas beer" emblazoned across the front. the lid was strange, and i fumbled with the sharp edges. shane burst out laughing and asked what i was doing, unable to wipe the smile off his face. he lifted the metal thing to his drink and wedged it under the cab, making it immediately pop off. a little smoke came out the top and he leant forward to do the same for mine. our faces were extremely close to each other as he cracked open the drink, his breath hot against my skin. once the loud opening sound was made, he flicked his eyes up to me for a few seconds before pulling back and handing me my drink.

chestnut hair flailing, shane tipped his head back and drank from the beer. slightly inexperienced, i did the same, feeling his eyes burning into me. the sour yet pleasant taste hit my tonsils, bitterness swimming in my mouth.

'good?' shane asked, and i nodded with a grin. adrenaline was pumping through me. maybe this was why morgan enjoyed breaking the rules so much; your heart beats faster and your head gets lighter. 'this definitely isn't part of your good-boy christian act, is it?'

'i think you know the answer.' i replied, my tongue licking my lower lip to catch more of the bitterness. he shook his head in amusement, staring. 'you're a bad influence.' i added with a smirk, and he burst out laughing.

'i'm just trouble.' he stated truthfully, laying on his stomach across the bed, playing with the bottoms of my jeans as he looked directly into my eyes.

'stop looking at me like that.' i accused, furrowing my eyebrows. he made me feel funny inside, like a mixture of sickness and the feeling you get when you're at the top of a rollercoaster, right before you come crashing down.

'i cant help it.' he whispered, eyes glowing as he finished his beer and threw it to the carpeted floor. 'beautiful boys deserve to be looked at.'