lucidity | shyland ✓

seven

chapter seven

an: i'm writing on the bus and it's stuffy

it's been a week since i learnt how to control my dreams completely and be aware that it was an alternate reality. a week since shane had called me beautiful, and made my heart squeeze and flutter. i had woken up a little while after he had said that, struggling all the next day as i hung out with bryce and conor, listening to them talking about girls when all i could think of was him.

on sunday night, i had dreamt that we went for lunch at this little cafe, and shane paid with the few spare coins in his pocket, despite me ensuring him that my allowance per week could by at least twenty people what we had just spent. he shook his head and handed over the money anyway, telling me that he wanted to spoil me. i had blushed a deep pink.

on the monday night, we watched netflix until the sun began to set. on tuesday, we went to the cheesecake factory, and on wednesday i dragged shane around the shops, browsing and trying on weird outfits as he giggled at me. thursday was spent relaxing at his house, every now and then his hand finding mine.

right now, it was friday lunch time, and my head was resting in my hands as i tried to figure out my next move. i was grateful that another week at school was behind me. loren and i had made up, but i felt stiff and awkward around her. it felt forced, and i found myself sleep walking through the day, exhausted from dreaming, only keeping myself awake on the prospect of falling back into my dreams with shane.

i was ecstatic over it, addicted to rebelling in such a strange way. falling asleep was so easy too; all i had to do was close my eyes and he would be there, and everything else would be obliterated just for me and him to have what seemed like a few hours together.

today, however, i was not as happy as usual. my dream with shane had been cut off by my alarm, and dread had filtered through me as i remembered that today was my last day to speak to garrett. i'd promised morgan that by the weekend i would talk to him about what happened with loren. really, it should be her that apologises, but in the two and a half years we've been together that's never happened and i'm her boyfriend, so i doubt she's going to apologise to a random, unpopular and poor guy that wasn't straight, nor was he secretive about that.

i felt sorry for him, and this feeling was growing with every day. whenever a jock would pass him in the halls, or anyone in my friendship group for that matter, he would get pushed around and called "fag", or whatever gay slur first fell off their lips.

ten days ago, the day i had my first dream of shane, i would've looked down upon him and – i hate to say this – probably joined in. but now, everything's changed. i don't think it's as... wrong, anymore. it's hard, to adopt a completely new mindset, when you've been indoctrinated into the same one for the last sixteen years, but i was trying. really hard.

he wasn't in the canteen, and morgan had texted me that he was in the library with drew. she also added that i better buck my ideas up and talk to him, because i had promised. she was right, i decided, and pushed myself up off the table, muttering goodbye to everyone as i walked away from a group of people i didn't even like. conor waved me off, turning back to the group of people who were surrounding him like obedient dogs would to their owner.

conor was alright, i suppose, when it was just you and him. but the second he had a crowd watching, he turned into this arrogant, stuck-up idiot who thinks he's far better than everyone else. he's slept with the majority of the year eleven girls, and apparently a couple of sophomores. i knew this, because he gave long and graphic stories every single lunch time, and i had to put up with it as if i told him to shut up, or if i tried to change the subject, i would drop my act. he was the leader of the pack.

my feet shuffled through the hall, and i gave myself a quick once over as i passed the mirror in the sports gym. skinny black jeans clung to my legs, along with a black armani crew neck, and on my feet were checkerboard vans. i shrugged off any worry, walking the few more steps towards the library and pushing the double doors open.

i spotted him straight away. he was sat at a four seater table, alone, head buried in a book. blonde curls of hair were falling over his forehead, vision flicking from left to right as he read. quietly, i approached the table and pulled back the chair opposite him, sitting down. garrett froze and slowly glanced up, eyes filled with fear and worry as they met mine.

'what d'you want?' he mumbled, folding the page of his book and setting it down on the table. his style was different to anyone else at the school; today he wore soft, pale blue mom-jeans and a harry potter crew neck sweater.

'i think we need to... talk.' i said quietly, and he frowned, face contorting.

'why would i wanna speak to the guy whose girlfriend told the whole fucking school i was gay?' he snapped, eyes darkening in anger. i repeated my previous statement, and he gave me an exasperated look before suggesting we walk on the field so it was more private.

i nodded, following him out the doors and into the bright, sunny open space. the grass was thick and covered the soles of our feet as we we walked in step together. 'talk, then.' he ordered, folding his arms and giving me a judging look.

i sighed. 'i'm really sorry about what happened, but i had nothing to do with any of it, i swear. loren and i ended up having a huge screaming argument in the car over it. i was the one defending you.' i explained quietly.

'oh.' he whispered, cheeks turning slightly red as he fumbled with the hem of his sweater.

'i don't have anything against you, you seem like a really nice guy. i know our friends don't exactly get along, but i don't want any bad blood between us.' i continued, pausing for a second. 'my sister thinks the absolute world of you, you know?'

garrett brought his lips into a small smile. 'she's an amazing girl. i...' he trailed off, but i gestured for him to carry on. he was still wary of me, i could tell. 'i don't know what you think of my brother, but he loves her. he loves her so damn much, ryland.' as he said this, we had reached the end of the field and his back was resting against the back of the small oak tree.

'i like him. he looks after her, that's all i would want.' i said softly, before cracking a grin. 'not to sure about him sneaking in to spend the night though.'

garrett laughed loudly, shaking his head in amusement. 'okay, truce, then?' he offered, sticking his hand out. i smiled, shaking it and he opened his mouth to speak again. 'one more thing though. you know my secret, that i'm gay. now tell me yours.'

'i don't have a secret.' i lied, shrugging my shoulders and staring out into the empty fields around us. i'm not sure why more people don't come out here. it's beautiful, bright green trees framing the grounds like artwork.

'liar.' he said and i blushed red. 'you looked to the left, c'mon, tell me.'

was i really about to tell someone i'd just become friends with that i thought i was becoming obsessed with an imaginary boy that only appeared in my sleep? was it crazy that i trust him more than the people i've known for years on end? he reminded me so much of shane.

'for the last ten days,' i stuttered slowly, 'i've been having this reoccurring dream that continues one on from the next.'

garrett furrowed his eyebrows, listening in concentration.

'and there's this boy in them, and he's making me feel things i shouldn't.'