lucidity | shyland ✓

twelve

chapter twelve

garrett was resting his chin on the palm of his hand, lip caught between his two teeth and eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated. we were sat cross legged on the most grass, admiring the attractions around us. today we had decided to go to red hill fair; the weather was hot and kissing our skins, our brains not only fried from the sun but from the night of drinking previous. whilst drew, morgan and andrew were on the "oxygen" rollercoaster, garrett and i had decided to look after the bags so i could properly talk to him.

'we had this huge argument and i told him that i didn't even like guys, that i didn't like the way he was making me feel and how i just felt awful the whole time because i was acting like someone i wasn't around loren, my dad, my sister for god's sake.' i rambled, making him nod and bite into his corn dog, completely engaged with the story. 'and then he said "fuck anyone who has hurt you, you're precious and don't deserve that," or something and then...'

garrett was jumping around in the floor in anticipation. 'then what!' he exclaimed, grabbing onto my arm like an excited toddler.

'he may or may not of sucked me off.' i whispered, making him scream.

'you did what!' he screeched as i clamped my hand over his mouth, telling him to be quiet. he stifled his laughter, biting his lip innocently. 'what was it like? was he good?'

i smacked garrett's arm, trying to hide the small smile that was growing on my lips. before i could even answer, morgan, drew and andrew could be seen walking away from the rollercoaster, giddy and dizzy. assuring me we'd talk about it later, garrett jumped up from the grass and ran over to drew. his arms wrapped around the long haired boy's neck, and drew soon stood on his tiptoes to kiss the blonde's lips.

this is the second time i've seen them kiss, and honestly it didn't surprise me. they looked sweet together, and garrett being four inches taller than him made the whole thing even cuter. morgan and andrew soon caught up with the two, hand in hand, making me realise that i was in fact the only one here without someone.

well, loren. she's still my girlfriend, and my parents are back from paris tonight, if i even dared to tell them that i was breaking up with her, let alone that i was gay, i don't think they'd ever speak to me again. the thing is, me being with loren helps my dad a lot. both of our fathers were alliances in their industry, yet loren's dad was higher above than mine. if i dumped her, my father would surely lose his job.

anyway, why would i break up with her and make my dad redundant for a boy who doesn't even exist?

i sighed heavily, agreeing as morgan suggested we all go on the ferris wheel. it was six people per carriage, she informed me, staring up at the glass pods that would hold us. we made our way over, my sister hand in hand with andrew, garrett's arm around drew's neck as he whispered into his ear.

once we were inside the dome, i rested my forehead against the glass window and stared outside as we grew further away from the ground. they were all chatting excitedly, drew teasing garrett and making him blush pink as the other two laughed. i felt so obsessed, so infatuated, so vulnerable with shane. it was like he was some kind of virus that had entered my body, invading every limb and brain cell until he was all i could think about.

i kept slightly quiet for the rest of the day. after driving everyone home, at around 9pm, morgan and i went into our separate room, but only after she had hugged me and said how everyone loved me last night. i smiled shyly, closing my door and falling back onto my bed. i pulled my laptop from out of my bedside cabinet and opened the lid, the white apple logo shining brightly.

the pad of my index finger traced the finder, clicking on the google icon. the whole shane thing; not just last night – well, obviously that played a huge part in it – but the butterflies i would feel around him, those little heart flutters where my stomach would churn.