comparison ~k.v.~

chapter 5

kendall gets awfully lonely sometimes.

none of her friends really seem to hug her anymore. kendall feels like she needs a hug sometimes. chase and jessa send her virtual teddy bear hugs on skype, but it's not the same thing.

she thinks this as she is walking home from school, headphones in. lana del rey's dark paradise is playing, and kendall feels like crying because she doesn't associate it with anyone anymore.

it used to be her anthem after the jared incident.

all my friends tell me i should move on,

i'm lying in the ocean, singing your song.

with lyrics like that, how could she not relate?

now her anthem is lily allen's chinese, because it's so simple, and so incredibly lily allen. it reminds her of char.

i don't want anything more

than to see your face

when i walk through the door

you'll make me beans on toast

and a nice cup of tea

then we'll get a chinese and watch tv

charlotte knew what it was like to be the "ugly" sister. she was, after all, extremely smart in areas where ry was not, and people seemed to put a focus on that. but char always told kendall to not to pay attention to it: "she's your sister," she'd say "you shouldn't love her any less because of societal beauty standards."

and kendall would bask in awe of her sister's intelligence.

meanwhile, in the real world, the early-summer air mixes in nicely with the smell of cookouts. kendall adores the smell of cookouts, the grilling meat and watermelon and barbecue sauce.

today, she is wearing a flowery black and white crop top with dress-code oriented high waisted shorts, dressed perfectly for early summer. she is attempting confidence. she is attempting fashion, even though she usually wears leggings with one of those shirts you get at dance comps.

she arrives at the house. no one is home yet (jill and erno are working, ryleigh's out with friends), but even so, she runs upstairs, backpack still hooked to her shoulders. she usually does her homework then goes internetting (a verb jessa once used in a video chat to describe her online activities).

kendall walks into her room, swiftly grabbing her laptop so she can type up her religion paper (her project is on islam), and of course, her editorial.

she goes onto 8tracks, finds the "study" playlist, and opens word.

by the time she finishes her homework, her mother has come home. jill works as an interior designer. she is making chicken teriyaki tonight, kendall's favorite.

time passes: erno comes home, he and kendall and jill eat, erno picks up ryleigh from her friend's house at like, 9:30, kendall goes to bed but secretly stays up on tumblr, and then actually goes to bed at 4something am.

jill wakes her after two hours of sleep. kendall likes that her mother still wakes her up. it makes her feel loved that someone thinks about her in the morning.

she quickly showers and dresses in leggings and a pink in10sity tee.

next thing she knows she is grabbing her backpack and going off to school, the editorial burning in the knapsack. she has english second and is dreading it with every inch the car goes.

first she has german; german isn't too bad. her friends take it as well and she likes the teacher.

but german ends much too soon.

she walks into the cobalt room known as ms leahy's eighth grade english room 677, feeling terrified. she is never scared to go in this room. this room is her safe haven.

an ms leahy spiel later, and she is at his desk.

his cologne is choking her, and his smile, holyfuckingshit, his smile. he is smiling at her all sweet and nice, and his mouth is making words.. dear lord kendall wants to kiss it... SHIT!

"kendalliance, you okay?" jared says, snapping kendall out of her infatuated haze. dammit, why does she still like him? he's awful.

"yep, huh, mmhmm." she murmurs, waving her painted-chipping-black, gnawed-on nails in front of her lips and settling them onto her teeth for a nervous chomp. "so, ah, here's my editorial."

he hands her his article on the theatre club, and they annotate and circle each others' work. His is full of words like "aura" and "triumphant."

they finish around the same time, neatly handing each other the other's work. kendall checks through her paper. nothing.

she turns to him. jared shrugs. "it was perfect."

"thank you." she replies, her voice straight and lacking emotion.

"'welcome. hey, lena, trix, zack, and i are going to jimmy's after school today. wanna come?" jimmy's is the local ice cream place.

she freezes, remembering that he never did apologize. but her friends....

"sure."

(author's note: thank you for all of your votes omg. who likes the new cover?)