comparison ~k.v.~

chapter 6

she is not at all prepared for jimmy's. but she does call her mother and tell her she's going.

they walk there, because no one's parents want to drive. it's not very far. kendall has no money, so jared offers to pay for her.

being of gracious heart and empty stomach, she accepts. bitterly. if it was a script, it would be written like so:

kendall: oh shit, trix, i don't have any money.

trixie: sorry kk. only brought enough for me.

jared: i can pay for you, kendalliance.

kendall: (flatly) thank you.

they get to jimmy's and order. jared sits next to kendall. why does he keep on being close with her if he thinks she's annoying ?

she digs into her fat-free cappuccino frozen yogurt. why didn't she get an ice cream? her friends want to know. kendall wants to flip them all off. why do you fucking care? but instead she says;

"i just like it better." she's a liar.

she nips another white part of her nail off with her teeth. she has dance in an hour. maybe she can make that her excuse to go?

kendall spoons in another lump of yogurt. why did i come if i want to leave? she thinks.

oh. yeah. because i'm a giant idiot. she feels the anxiousness mix up in her stomach and all she can think is positive thoughts positive thoughtspositivewhatwhat.

"excuse me." she pushes away from the table, making jared scoot out, and casually walk-runs to the bathroom.

she throws open the door, locks herself in a stall, and starts hyperventilating. bad thoughts are rushing around in her brain, insulting her, critiquing her. she feels like throwing up but refuses to.

the panic settles.

"you've been in there a long time kk." zack jokes when she gets out. kendall punches him in the arm. "shut up. i'm human."

she sits, places her spoon in hand, and glares at jared's hands moving.

"i have to go. dance." she looks up to her friends nodding. breathing the quietest sigh of relief, kendall grabs her backpack and runs home.

she gets there, dresses in a leo and tights, does a long skype chat with jessa, eats a quick dinner of cold pizza, and is dropped off at dance.

kendall is the second-best in her class. her teacher would never ever mentions it, but it is an unspoken agreement amongst the girls. the only one before her is gretchen sanders, who is extremely talented.

she stretches and they practice their routine for competition, a contemporary dance to florence and the machine's only if for a night.

and i heard your voice

she leaps and turns thrice, then steps-back three four, back-front three four.

as clear as day, and you told me i should concentrate

she goes back-to-back with gretchen. gretchen hoists her up and flips her over. both girls stretch back their legs into a c-shape.

it was so strange, and so surreal

she side-aerials and does arms two-three-four.

that a ghost could be so practical

she splits her legs and drops to the floor.

dance is the only place where kendall feels okay.

(author's note: my apologies for a crappy chapter.)