comparison ~k.v.~

chapter 8

when kendall gets home, she instantly puts jessa and chase in an oovoo group chat together.

she spills her story to an extremely tired jessa and a bedded chase. she tells them the costume story and her realization. the tears are pumping out of her eyes as music whirls around her.

she bids them goodbye with a spoken ily and a blown kiss.

for once, she shuts her laptop, even though it's a friday, so she can stay up late and sleep in. she thinks maybe the internet isn't the best place to her to be right now.

thoughts are swimming in her head.

i shouldn't care about my weight.

i shouldn't care a lot about appearances.

i am allowed to push people away.

she stares at her white ceiling. it's time for some feel-good music. she opens up her laptop, finds itunes, and sifts through her library. she chooses ingrid michaelson's album be okay. because she is a lot more okay than she was before.

she hits play, changes into some p.j.s, and dances around. what a day.

she dances until the album runs out of music, and then she collapses on her bed, laughing and panting. she should text jared, and give him a piece of her mind.

she locates his kik in her block list and unblocks him, promptly shooting off a text about how he should apologize. for now, she shall dance - to lorde's pure heroine.

laugh until our ribs get tough, lorde and kendall sing together - lorde grammy-winningly, and kendall off-key.

but that will never be enough.

kendall's parents come in to kiss her goodnight, and ask her to at least keep the music down. she agrees, and gives them a kiss back.

walking down the hall to their room, jill comments to erno:

"she seems a really good mood. like, the best i've seen her in in a while."

they stop at the door of the bedroom. erno throws his arms around his wife's waist. "i'm glad." they kiss.

meanwhile, kendall lays down on her bed, now just listening to the poetic music that flows through her ears and settles quick on her brain.

~

it takes jared three hours to respond. his message is not short, it is not hurtful like kendall thought it would be. it is heartfelt.

jared.palmetto: wow, k. i don't know what to say except that i didn't know you felt that way. i honestly had no idea what came over me that day. i wanted to impress the guys around me by saying that you were those things because they thought u were (they're douchebags) and i wanted to impress them. idk y. i didn't want to go out with you tho, just because ur not rlly my type. i understand y ur upset and i think if i just said no, it'd be fine. i actually think ur a rly cool girl, and saying those things were awful + hurt r friendship. im sorry. i really am.

kendall bites her lip so hard it bleeds.