In Between Days: Raising Jordan (boyxman)✅

Clampdown

Jamie

Should I stay or should I go? That was the question. Jordan ran off as he so often did. Why did I have to go and hold him like that? Because I liked him. I really, really liked him. He wasn't a little kid, as he pointed out so often, so why did I feel like a pedophile?

Should I apologize? Yes, I decided that was the right thing to do and went looking for him, despite the nice, little teeth marks he left on my shoulder. It actually stung. As expected, I found him in that gross, disgusting pond. As I approached it, he merely glanced at me, subtly acknowledging my presence. While standing in the pond, he held yet another frog in his hand.

"Do you think frogs give you warts?" he asked, looking down at the frog.

"I don't know," I said. "I think it's an old wive's tale."

"You mean you think someone just made it up?"

"Yes," I said, not really interested in talking about frogs or warts.

"Tim used to say frogs give you warts," he said. Tim said. Tim said. Jordan was always referring to what "Tim said."

"You need to stop listening to Tim."

"I did," he said.

"Look, Jordan, I just want to say I'm sorry." Focusing on the frog, he didn't say anything and if he were someone other than Jordan, I would have assumed he wasn't listening, but this was Jordan and I was sure he was listening.

"Don't tell Tim," he finally said as if he should be embarrassed or ashamed for what happened to him in the pool. He always worried about what Tim thought.

"I won't," I said.

"Sorry," he said.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Because I did it on you," he said, avoiding my eyes, his eyes down on the frog. "I didn't mean to." Interesting that he didn't apologize for biting me.

"Don't worry about it," I said, ashamed for letting things get carried away. Who was I kidding? I knew what I was doing.

"I don't know why it happened," he said, pacing through the pond, stroking the head of the frog. He was so cute, I could barely stand it. Why did I have to like him so much? I was too old for him. "I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know? It happens to all guys."

"I know," he said in his annoyed voice. "I'm not stupid." Holding the frog, he got out of the pond and sat on a log not far from where I stood. He seemed genuinely perplexed and confused and I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for his confusion. That sounded just like me. I was great at confusing people, mostly people I cared about. He was silent for a minute, which was something I was used to by now, but I could tell he was thinking of what to say, but he just couldn't get the words out.

"You seem confused," I said, approaching him on the log. I wanted to find out what he was so confused about. He only shook his head. While he sat on the log, I stood behind him, running my fingers through his head of dark wet curls, making them stick up everywhere. Just a short while ago, he freaked out when I went to ruffle his hair. I was only teasing him, but he didn't like to be teased and he didn't like to be touched. He let me touch him all the time now.

"I've never been on a date," he said. "I've never done a lot of things."

"Are you saying you want to go on a date?" I asked. He looked up and over his shoulder at me with a slight roll of his eyes. "Hey, what was that for?" I asked, tugging his hair.