In Between Days: Raising Jordan (boyxman)✅

King of Pain

Tim

"I told you so" were the first words that came to mind when I received that call from Officer Boyd. Of course, I would never say those words to Jamie. In fact, those were the last words Jamie wanted to hear. He was totally in love with Jordan, completely enamored and he was no doubt traumatized by the incident at Fenway. Jamie was always extra sensitive, even about the smallest, simplest things. This was not a small, simple thing. Both Jordan and Jamie were so confident everything would be fine; I was really hoping they would prove me wrong.

They didn't prove me wrong, though. Maybe if Jordan didn't have so many things on his mind, everything would have been fine. For one, he discovered he was gay this summer and that was a pretty big deal, whether he admitted it or not. Second, Jamie was leaving in a couple of days and he had grown very, very attached to him. Of course he was attached; he was madly in love with him. The only people he had ever been attached to were me and our mother. And then he had that whole business with Oxford and second-guessing himself, wondering if he should stay or go. He had a lot going on in his head.

Based on what the police and Jamie told me, this was perhaps one of Jordan's worst freak-outs of all time.

As I entered Jordan's room, I found him sitting in the corner on the floor, his knees to his chest and his head in his hands. I hadn't seen him like this in a very long time. He looked up briefly, then back down, rocking back and forth. Listening carefully, I realized he was singing. Music was his way of communicating, particularly when stressed. Because he was unable to cope, he used music as a defense mechanism.

"There's a little black spot on the sun today..." Jordan sang The Police's King of Pain. Of all the songs to sing, he chose to sing King of Pain. He really knew how to pick them. Songs often correlated to his mood.

"It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in the high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain..."

"The Police," I said, stating the obvious. It was obvious to me and Jordan, anyway. "Mom loved Sting, remember?" At one point, our mother was convinced she was going to marry Sting even though they were both already married to different people. Not only that, she didn't even know the guy although she thought she did. "We'll just get a divorce," she said. She believed her delusions so intensely, there was no telling her otherwise.

I didn't really expect much of a response from Jordan, but it was worth a try. Instead, he continued to sing, skipping several lines to sing the refrain.

"I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain."

"Could you stop singing for a minute?" I said. "I'm not angry; I just want to talk to you." Ignoring my request, he sang the refrain again; this time louder.

"I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain."

Jordan got up and paced around the room, singing louder and louder. A security guard poked his head inside, either out of curiosity or to make sure everything was okay. I nodded at him, letting him know everything was under control. For the moment, anyway.

"Jordan, stop it," I said, starting to lose my cool. Sometimes I just couldn't help it, but I kept thinking about Jamie and the look of worry and concern in his eyes. "You want to be treated like a man? Well, act like one. You're acting like a two year old. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Jordan. It's not only about you anymore. It's not about me. Another person is involved, a person you love, remember? And he loves you. Jamie really loves you. It's not just about you, alright?"