In Between Days: Raising Jordan (boyxman)✅

Gigantic

Jamie

As I sat on the edge of the bed facing Jordan, he gazed up at me with his dark brown eyes, yearning for something. Just a short while ago, Jordan scared the shit out of everyone the way he went down like that outside on the deck. His head would certainly hurt in the morning.

"Stay with me tonight," Jordan said after his Space Oddity serenade.

"There's not enough room for the two of us in this bed," I said. He scooted over, showing me that there was plenty of room for both of us.

"Or I can stay with you," he said, throwing the covers off him, ready to go with me. "I've done it before. I just want to be with you."

"I know," I said. "But you can't stay with me. Not tonight." I brought the covers back over him. "Knowing Tim, he'll check on you during the night. I'll come in first thing in the morning. I promise. I should go, let you get some sleep." He grabbed my wrist as I was about to get up.

"Don't," he said with pleading eyes. "Just stay for a few more minutes." Making myself comfortable, I sat beside him on his bed, bringing an arm around him while he cuddled beside me. I kissed the top of his head, hoping Tim wouldn't walk in. "I can feel your heart beating."

"Is it beating fast or slow?" I asked.

"Medium," he said. With his chin on my chest, he looked up at me, his dark eyes more intense than usual. "Jordan, what's wrong? What are you thinking about?" Pulling away from me, he sat up, bringing his knees to his chest. "Tell me, Jordan. Talk to me."

"Since you've come, things have been different. I mean, I feel different. I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know. It's weird. And I don't know what's going to happen to me." Hugging his knees to his chest, he rocked back and forth. He looked like a boy instead of a young man and I felt guilty all over again, like some kind of child molester.

"Is it a good different or a bad different?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said. "Different. I feel like...I feel like I'll die if you leave me."

Uh-oh. That's a little extreme.

"You won't die," I said. "Anyway, I'm not leaving you. I'm coming back."

"That's what you say," he said.

"And I mean it," I said, stroking the back of his head.

"I feel like...I feel like I'm one half and you're the other half and together we make a whole."

Tears came to my eyes, which I did my best to blink away. He  already saw me cry once for no apparent reason. It's just that no one had ever said anything like that to me before, something that made total sense, something I didn't quite expect to come from Jordan. He truly was remarkable.

Resting his head on his knees, he kept his eyes on me. "No one's ever said anything like that to me in my entire life," I said, pulling his legs away from his chest and straightening them out on the bed. "But I have to say I couldn't agree with you more," I added, sitting on his lap.

Jordan pushed up my t-shirt and kissed my stomach. "I'm not leaving you," I reiterated as he reached all the way up my shirt, rubbing his hands over my nipples. "Jordan..."